I am not a kite stuck with string in a tree
Nor am I a taste of a honey lemon drop
In the shape of a sucker who knows-not-when-to-stop
A whisper in the dark when you’re in the mood?
No, I’m not your little trick to be eaten like soul food
I am not something you smell like homemade pie
I’d rather point my middle finger in your lying eye
I wish you’d just go away, pack your bags and leave
Shine your pseudo-light on another up your sleeve
©laurie kolp
Prompt inspirations:
The Sunday Whirl (wordle 50)
pet, string, wish, point, trick, shine, paw, smell, pack, shape, taste, whisper
Poetic Asides PAD Challenge, Day 1- Communications poem
Also, my posting for NaPoWriMo, Day 1
~~~
22 comments:
Good luck with your writing this month, Laurie.
not sure where you get your inspiration from Laurie... but wherever it begins, works everytime for you.
Straight from the heart of the character in your poem, Laurie. Nothing like telling it like it is.
Poetic Asides sounds interesting. Didn't know about the challenge. I'm doing NaPoWriMo and the A-Z challenge. hope I last the month, lol. Have a lovely week ahead, Laurie.
I love the street wise savy that drives this piece, mixed in with homemade pie, and soul food. There's an interesting contrast between those comfort items and the serpent chasing the narrator.
The speaker's tone of voice is so clear, I can visualise her as I read the poem. I feel like I stumbled on a small scene and am listening in.
And that told you, so there! Well said :)
It was a difficult challenge, but you have written a beautiful -and a little sad- poem.
Laurie, this one has bite. I like the voice of the speaker; the poem communicates what (she) is not, but also what she is: strong.
Richard
I agree with Brenda about the street-wise savvy in this piece, Laurie. Good one. Good luck with napo.
Pamela
Whew, that is telling a person off to the max. (I swear when I looked at this earlier this morning the poem was not here...only the picture. Was I blind? So glad I returned to see the POEM.)
Great positioning of those words!
Wow! Tell it like it is, sista!
Hah - straight and to the point - love it! See you on the street Laurie ...
http://nsaynne.wordpress.com/2012/04/01/forgotten-charms/
tell him! he should have known anyway. very good.
wow love the strength in your voice with this one laurie...still deciding if i am doing the 30 in 30 this year....guess we will see tomorrow...ha...
"I am not a kite stuck...in a tree", ..."in the shape of a sucker, who knows not when to stop." The repetition of what your not works really well here. This is the voice of someone who had had quite enough.
Wow Laurie you really have got some devoted and intelligent readers. Well done to them too for their insightful comments.
As a fairly new reader, I obviously don't have a true feel as to what motivates you, but what I do know, is that you were this person once.
Poetically its a very wonderfully rounded piece. I wish I could explain it like brenda w said...
"I love the street wise savy that drives this piece, mixed in with homemade pie, and soul food. There's an interesting contrast between those comfort items and the serpent chasing the narrator."
Brenda this comment sounds like poetry to me.
So Laurie you see. This is why your thoughts and the way that you pay them out is so very important. We all escape our own tiny world for even a brief moment and become lost in yours....
Loads of love.
P.W.
Fierce and rhythmic, Laurie.
Next I hope you'll write a poem about what you ARE.
http://rosemarymint.wordpress.com/2012/04/01/monday-melting-week-11/
(While I try not to say the same thing everyone else is saying, I'm doing a mad dash through reading tonight and am not reading others' comments...so forgive me if I'm unoriginal! ;) )
Well done, Laurie! I loved the feeling of listening in...the voice was strong.
I combined prompts for this one too...a great way to start NaPoWriMo.
~ Paula
I've had two old beaus that I wish I had these lines for. But I guess I said enough... Made me laugh. I enjoyed this very much. Thanks!
See, here's the problem with not commenting until the end of the week - all the best insights and thoughts have already been expressed. ;)
Fantastic imagery in a very strongly stated piece, Laurie. Well wordled.
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