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Saturday, October 15, 2011

Dancing at the Ocean's Edge

In the shallows of the ocean deep
where broken shells are gathered
and sea foam cotton is a mirage
that fools the young at heart,
causes feet to drop on textured sand

a burst of pain settles in the toes
now dancing through hoops of fire;
one shoulder twists and then the other
like a bolt of Charo shimmying
rolling tongues until she topples,
forgives the waves for cutting in the fun.

@laurie kolp

Poetry inspiration: The Sunday Whirl (forgive, shoulder, topples, shallows, bolt, broken, gathered, dancing, drop, burst, causes, feet, hoops)

Also linked to Imaginary Garden With Real Toads Open Link Monday
at

29 comments:

  1. kaykualaOctober 15, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    Wonderful Sunday whirl Laurie. Nicely done!

    Hank

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  2. UnknownOctober 16, 2011 at 7:27 AM

    The ocean's getting too cold here for dancing! Nice.

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  3. MaryOctober 16, 2011 at 7:59 AM

    "Though dancing through hoops of fire" is such a wonderful image, Laurie. I'd like to be dancing in an ocean right now - a warm one!

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  4. ireneOctober 16, 2011 at 8:02 AM

    There's the mixture of heavy and light here. The title is great.

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  5. Laurie KolpOctober 16, 2011 at 8:19 AM

    Thanks... me, too (minus the broken shells)!

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  6. DaydreamertooOctober 16, 2011 at 8:27 AM

    Yes, there's a mix of both happy and sad here, powerful imagery.
    Great use of the prompt Laurie.

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  7. brenda wOctober 16, 2011 at 8:29 AM

    Life's ying and yang ebb and flow with the tide. This is lovely, Laurie.

    Here's mine:
    Vernon Reads

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  8. barbaraOctober 16, 2011 at 8:57 AM

    Bringing shimmying Charo into the surf borders on genius.

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  9. Mike PatrickOctober 16, 2011 at 10:45 AM

    I don’t recall ever reading a more remarkable shift between two stanzas before. Very effective.

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  10. NankaOctober 16, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    Ouch!! I would be doing the same on those gathered broken shells!! They really do hurt!! :P

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  11. MarianneOctober 16, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    Enjoyed the reference to Charo, (cuchi-cuchi!). "Sea foam cotton is a mirage that fools the young at heart," is a wonderful line. Well done, Laurie!

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  12. Gemma Wiseman aka Pamela AdamsOctober 17, 2011 at 3:39 AM

    A gentle, descriptive drift until the final, cutting moment!

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  13. Kerry O'ConnorOctober 17, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    I took a look at the words this Sunday, and for the life of me, couldn't find the connection. I'm amazed how well you pulled it all together in such a way that the words are imperceptibly placed.

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  14. Sherry Blue SkyOctober 17, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    Great use of the words in the wordle. Well done.

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  15. flaubertOctober 17, 2011 at 10:28 AM

    Laurie, you certainly did the words justice. Nice one.

    Pamela

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  16. MarianOctober 17, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    charo!!! how wonderfully unexpected!

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  17. Susie ClevengerOctober 17, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    Beautifully written...ocean's dance tinged with reality's crushed shells...great piece!!

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  18. Abin ChakrabortyOctober 17, 2011 at 1:48 PM

    didnt get the Charo...but loved the rest.smooth flowing interlaced lines.

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  19. Mary Ann PotterOctober 17, 2011 at 2:29 PM

    So well done with that unexpected "bolt of Charo"! Very effective imagery throughout.

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  20. Kay L. DaviesOctober 17, 2011 at 5:12 PM

    Wonderful descriptions, Laurie. I could feel it all, especially the pain, having felt the same unexpected reality of the ocean. I will always "forgive the waves" too.
    (I haven't thought of Charo in years. Oh, those moves!)

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

    PS — The verification word is "charair"!

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  21. Laurie KolpOctober 17, 2011 at 5:46 PM

    That's funny, Kay!

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  22. AnonymousOctober 18, 2011 at 1:33 AM

    the pain of being confronted,
    the hoops of fire,
    'sea foam cotton'

    the words are smooth and inventive.
    and huge props to you for getting all those words to have meaning in one place. !!

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  23. Philip ThriftOctober 18, 2011 at 3:29 AM

    I was stung by tiny jellyfish once in shallow ocean water that felt like fire. I can relate!

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  24. AnonymousOctober 18, 2011 at 4:58 AM

    This is lovely!

    What's charo?

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  25. gautami tripathyOctober 18, 2011 at 12:21 PM

    Such beautiful writing..

    hanging my head

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  26. Liz Rice-SosneOctober 18, 2011 at 3:29 PM

    I have no idea of a sunday whirl, but I could feel this happening ... and I so love the sand in the ocean. Very nice.

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  27. Traci BOctober 19, 2011 at 9:07 AM

    Charo - a gorgeous bombshell of a Latina famous for her shimmying dance moves and sultry persona. Here's her website: http://www.charo.com/

    Now, as for the poem - well wordled. :) Great shift from the lightness of the first verse to the pain of the second. Whether it's a shell, glass, sea creature or other beach hazard, stepping on pointy things in soft sand near (or worse, in) salt water is definitely cause to shimmy about looking for relief. I stepped on a crab claw once while using my toes to hunt for underwater shells; thank the Lord it didn't puncture, but it did set me to doing a minor freakout dance.

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  28. Lucy WestenraOctober 19, 2011 at 1:17 PM

    Adroit mood shift between the verses. I read the pain as v.cold water when you paddle.

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  29. AnonymousNovember 3, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    Perfect representation of encroaching on the cold ocean.

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Thanks so much for stopping by and taking time to comment.