Wednesday, March 27, 2013

,,,Orphaned Commas,,,


A (captain?) crunch of numb-
ness, not numbers, silly; don't you
know I'm a poet? No, numb
 
words dilute this page, lame
words, so terse, like, ugh, "it"
rains orphaned commas ,,,,,
that won't cooperate, no,,,,,
 
They jump around like love-
less passion, horny college
coeds, bed-to-bed, hmm,
want some humble pie?
 
Ask an English teacher
about commas; less drama
will occur when you concur,
the numbness on the screen
will dissipate when those
crappy commas find their place.
 
 
~~
 
Poetry inspirations~
Poetry Jam: Usual/Unusual
3WW: cooperate, lame, terse
PU Verse First: Passion
 

39 comments:

Jerry said...

Ha, love it, have, a, great, day,,,,

Brian Miller said...

They jump around like love-
less passion, horny college
coeds, bed-to-bed, hmm,
want some humble pie?

hahaha...yes, that....smiles...
i guess i would say the same for elipses, lol...not a big punctuation kinda guy...i do know the old rule of putting a comma where you want a pause is false...grad papers are bringing me a bit more in line...

Mary said...

Commas are always an enigma when writing poetry. Most often I believe the fewer the better, but sometimes they are needed. I don't follow the same rules in writing poetry that I do in writing prose. In poetry, I think, punctuation is often not the USUAL; and that is ok with me! Smiles.

I loved that third stanza, Laurie! Wonderful similes.

Susan Lindquist said...

I am the worst offender when it comes to commas, ellipses, hyphens, etc. This brought a feeling of chagrin as I read it, Laurie!

Love the word play on occur and concur ... so true! Great poem!

Robyn Greenhouse said...

Very funny! That's what I like about writing now for myself and not grades- punctuation ,as I please!

kaykuala said...

I have often faced this dilemma! I also thought there shouldn't be any commas, question marks or full stops in poetry. But sometimes I still persist. I should try to be more consistent I should think. I don't know how! At the moment I just based it on my gut feeling! Good thoughts Laurie!

Hank

goldberrygreening said...

I liked this - nicely whimsical.

I don't believe in standardized punctuation in poetry - but then, I don't believe in standardized *anything* in poetry. Worrying about the legality of commas squashes creativity.

AJ Neugebauer said...

Wonderful word play! it reminded me of salinger's bouquet of parentheses: (((()))) Excellent!

Sheilagh Lee said...

Hahaha crappy commas.

Helen said...

Crappy commas, ditzy dashes, proper periods ... I never know what to do!

Love your poem

Karen S. said...

Oh I know, sometimes, it seems that commas, just want to take over the entire world!

jaerose said...

Not wishing to sound very white and middle aged but there was a hip-hoppy feel to this..edgy..wry..(and for me it's not commas it's ellipses...) ;)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I love this humorous poem, especially the same lines Brian quoted!

Ella said...

I love the playful romp of your commas,,,,, lol
Mine are unruly teens, too...
Fun, fun poem!
<3 it

Friko said...

A poem about commas, now there’s a novelty.
It’s very good.

Kim Nelson said...

LOL! They do distract the aware eye, don't they?

Emma Major said...

a lot of fun

jane hewey said...

hahahah so right on
and well written Laurie.
great take on the passion prompt!

Peggy said...

Oh those wild and crazy commas! When in doubt, take them out (and reread to make sure it still makes sense!) They were always a big issue for me when I was learning news writing.

alan1704 said...

And thereby hangs the enigma of it all. Is life just one big comma awaiting a Full-stop, I like it.

Paige Nicole said...

very clever and pleasing to the tongue when read aloud.

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

For commas (and other punctuation marks) without rhyme or reason, just open any page of the King James Version of the Bible!

oldegg said...

Punctuation is a somewhat unsatisfactory way of giving the correct meaning and inflection to the written word. It doesn't help that our language and speech are both flawed as well.

Dave King said...

Many a true word written in jest -- or was it? Whatever. Got my morning off to a good start.

Heaven said...

Love the playful turn of the commas....I concur, they will find their rightful place ~ Smiles ~

Margaret said...

Some commas are used sparely, carefully, others just thrown in there without much thought... kind of like prudes or horny co-eds. ha ha .

Leslie said...

fun fun fun
as an editor I hate them / people either use, them, everywhere, or never use them though we all know they have their own place in the world of writing

Leslie said...

also wanted to wish you a Happy Easter Laurie

Eileen T O'Neill ..... said...

Laurie,

It was nice to find a passionate poem, written with such grammatical style. A touch of correctness, added to the whole affair:)

Happy Easter,
Eileen:)

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Loved the wordplay and wittiness here :)

I hope you have a good Easter weekend!!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

A passion for language, then? LOL

Loredana Donovan said...

Fascinating, I love grammar and punctuation. Commas do make a difference when used well :)

sharplittlepencil.com said...

Laurie, don't get me started on the improper use of semicolons!

I love the commas as bedhopping, mindless little nymphettes! Glad I found Poetry Jam,,,,,, if only to see this. Amy

Susie Clevenger said...

I love it! Those crappy commas give me a fit also.

Ellecee said...

Love this poem,,I have thesameproblem,,,, :-)

JANU said...

Loved this unusual poem about commas.

Akila G said...

oh my! they are a pain and easily passe'till one is passionate about a few gains in this ride!

lovely..superb...loved it...

SaraV said...

Laurie--this was so much fun--commas are a bunch of trouble makers--thank you for calling them on it :-)

Stan Ski said...

How many commas in comedy? ,D