Saturday, August 18, 2012

Drawn Before You

Phosphorus greenish glow
breaking crests on dark ink,
a tip of neon highlighters;
lines ~~ the waves across the page.

Vivid drifts of words
conch shell
whispers;
secrets
waiting to be told.

Split down the horizon,
left and right;
paper cuts
a nick of broken glass.

You find yourself torn
between the insidious and tinted
dying to change the evening tide,
rough, then gentle in your limbs.

Preludes of debate
leave a tinny aftertaste,
lies the reason
drawn before your eyes
as clear as elementary art.

**
Prompt inspiration: The Sunday Whirl 70- tip, fix, tinted, preludes, vivid, tinny, drifts, nick, waves, gentle, limbs, insidious, split

20 comments:

SaraV said...

Laurie, loved how you put these words together and the analogy of "clear as elementary art" very clever!

Mary said...

I like what Sara commented on too; but my favorite stanza is...

Vivid drifts of words
conch shell
whispers;
secrets
waiting to be told.


How many times I have put a conch shell to my ear and listened..definitely there are secrets to be told.

I enjoyed your wordle write, Laurie.

Brian Miller said...

smiles...love that lies can be a double play in this one...and elementary art...its on my level so...hahaha....nice laurie...

Marianne said...

So many gorgeous images in this poem, Laurie: "Vivid drifts of words" and
"Split down the horizon, left and right; paper cuts a nick of broken glass" and "torn between the insidious and tinted." Love this one!

Mary said...

I also like the 'elementary art' touch. Nothing like elementary students' drawings where the meaning is perfectly CLEAR with only the important details shown.

Daydreamertoo said...

Oww... the imagery is vivid in this, pain there...battle lines drawn...Paper cuts hurt so much too. This is all such a great write I can't pick out what I like most because, I like it all!

annell said...

I loved your opening lines, and each line after. I really loved the whispering shell....

Eva Gallant said...

I love the same stanza as Mary...the whispering conch shells!

brenda w said...

Laurie, I really like the fourth stanza...there is tension in it. I love "torn between the insidious and tinted..."

Paige + Shauna said...

laurie, enjoyed this otherworldly
poem of yours. dusk, the secrets held in the night the soft and gentle sounds that take hold - you have painted them all.

flaubert said...

Laurie, this is filled with some beautiful lines and phrases. Too many to count. You had me with the opening, it is soft and sweet.

Pamela

Peggy said...

I love seeing where people go with the wordle words--each poem is so unique. Well done here.

Jules said...

Thanks you, your words painted the dawn I didn't get this morning. It has been an overcast grey summer day, a prelude to autumn?

I'm here:
http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/08/sw-70-feathers-flights-and-foundlings.html

Willow said...

Beautiful, each and every stanza. I have seen the phosphorus glow, love that you transition to writing, great analogies waves of water, waves of words, excellent ending.

teri said...

"Paper cuts a nick of broken glass." So ambiguous and just the way creating most often feels.

Walt Wojtanik said...

Your visualization is overwhelming. I always sneak over to see how it should be done. Thanks for the "lesson". A great write, Laurie!

Tumblewords: said...

Stellar!

S.E.Ingraham said...

So many astonishing images here Laurie ... visual, auditory, and my personal favourite, the "tinny after-taste" practically leapt into my mouth as I read it ... such a good poem

Thanks also for stopping by the Poet Treehouse earlier - much appreciated.

Cathy said...

You better hope that shell doesn't have a big mouth ;)

Interesting poem, enjoy it very much

Hannah said...

"conch shell
whispers;
secrets
waiting to be told."

LOVE this segment!! So great to read you...well wordled, Laurie!