Karma

I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. We meet friends on this journey through life that help mold us into who we are. Some of these friends stay in our lives for a long time and are a constant, like a stream of water flowing through the woods. Others are with us only for a short while, but they can make an impression to last a lifetime. They are like an earthquake- they come into our lives shake us up and really touch us, and then they are gone. The legacy they leave behind is everlasting; it's a gift from God. Mary was like that with me. She came into my life for a brief period of time, but she left an impression in my heart that will never end. And she is still with me. A reader of my blog contacted me several months ago because she was so astounded by my cardinal stories. She had been through some very difficult times and had been inspired by cardinals, too. We began to e-mail each other and she was very curious about Mary's death. She had an inner feeling that she needed to share with me, for she knew there must be more to the story. Well, there indeed was more to the story and I knew some things that had happened the morning before Mary shot herself that I felt I should keep quiet about. I was afraid this information might cause disharmony between Mary's husband and her side of the family, putting the children in the middle. I would never want those beautiful kids cut off from Mary's family. I did not want to interfere. I had written everything down as I knew it and was planning on sharing it with Mary's kids when they became adults. Well, this special friend encouraged me to tell Mary's family everything I knew through our correspondence. I got the courage and the opportunity fell right into place when her little brother David came to visit Mary's grave on her one year anniversary. God does work in mysterious ways! I was able to tell him what I knew and then later I spoke with Jeni, my dear friend, Mary's sister about the situation. They had had their suspicions and what I told them confirmed what they had thought. But it brought closure to us. The miracle of the whole situation is that the friend who encouraged me to tell the family has had many experiences with cardinals since then. Here is one of them:

"WOW! I think you are right. They must be. I have double chills again. Listen to this one... After receiving that email bout voting for the pastor I went on your blog and read your story about the bird who was trying to tell you something. So I went outside and two blue jays flew overhead and I didnt see the cardinal. But I heard him. So I said, "Okay, I am going to listen. Oddly the cardinal was singing in the back yard so I went to the back. When I got to about where it was singing it was gone. So I waited and listened. Now it was coming from my back pasture (I have 10 acres) so I walked. As I got closer I notice their were four cardinals! 2 females and 2 males. And they were on the fence in between the two horse water troughs. When I got there I saw what they were trying to tell me. Each trough had one dead squirrel. It would have poisoned my horses or caused them to ot drink and dehydrate! What a miracle. 10 more cardinal little neat quirks to tell during the next 20 min of clean up to finding your email but my God I can't type forever! LOL We'll just say the cardinal made sure I saw your email right away."

I'm speechless. All I know is that God is great and He is sending us cardinals for inspiration. Pete and I had a headstone made for Mary's grave and placed it out there the other day. She will never be forgotten. So please value your friendships and learn from them. Make memories to last a lifetime.

A Proud Moment

We were so proud last Saturday when Andrew received his first holy communion! He looked so handsome in his suit and read so well in front of a full church. During one song, all the kids stood at the end of the pew and sang to us, using sign language to go along with the song "Taste and See." It brought tears to this proud mom's eyes. Here is a poem I wrote about the special event:


Happy parents, friends and family
gathered together to proudly see,
their sweet young girl or boy
receive first holy communion with joy.
Flowers decorated the altar and pews
and everyone dressed in their best shoes.
Together they prayed in reverence
and watched with glee the innocence.
As each one took the bread and wine,
the choir sang glorious tunes divine.
After the service, all went to the hall
to celebrate with cake and pictures for all.
The day was a tremendously fine event,
one not to be forgotten; a proud moment.

Wrecks, Hurricanes, Debts and Deaths

My Guide

Pardon me if I seem kind of bitter,
I have had a lot on my mind.
These past four years have been hell for me,
Life has not been treating me real kind.
Foremost on my mind is my family
Involved in a horrible car wreck
Totalled our car, put us in great debt
And injured my husband’s sweet neck.
Next has been the death of Mary,
A great friend I had found at last
Who could not deal with her problems
Put behind her a terrible past.
Then we’ve had two huge hurricanes
That have wreaked havoc on our life so dear
Uprooted our family for months on end
Causing damage to last through the year.
But all of this is behind me
And things are getting better each day
Because I have God to guide me
Who leads me and shows me the way.

Spring's Promise

Spring, so bright and colorful,

full of promise fresh and new;

a chance to start all over again,

living life, warm and true.

Grass so green, flowers so bright,

a picture perfect setting for the eye.

The smell so sweet, songs of the birds-

don't let this glorious time pass you by.

A Wonderful Comment

I received this amazing response on my blog and wanted to share it with you. I am so grateful for this beautiful person who shared her story about cardinals with me. As I type this, I am listening to a cardinal pecking on my daughter's window. Her window is in the front of the house, next to the other big window where the birdfeeder is. These cardinals like to hang out in the big bush in front of her window and peck on the glass. It's as if these birds are saying- come on now, you can do it!

Blue Sky Vision wrote, "I don't know your Mary that many speak of on your blog. I simply am followed by a red cardinal and have been for about 2 years. I was searching on the internet as I do from time to time and found your site. About 2 years ago I was going through a horrible divorce from man so consumed with anger and evil that it was his obsession and purpose to destroy me. I was weak and alone. My faith was not strong at the time and my family not around. I was depressed and I believe suicidal for the first time in my life. Every morning and every evening for at least an hour intervals a red cardinal would try to come through my window. He would hit the window, sit on the nearby branch and come again within 10-15 seconds over and over and over again. I thought at the time "what a dumb bird." It would entertain me though and make me smile. I would tell everyone of the relentless bird. As time passed I started noticing that everywhere I went that the cardinal was there. It would dart out in front of my car while I was driving down the street every single day, It would be in a tree outsided my work window. Every single day and sometimes twice a day. I helped this little boy find his home after he walked too far and as I left the cardinal flew so close in front of me it scared me and perched himself on a fence and stared at me. When my new boyfriend who had never seen the cardinal started going to church with me, that first Sunday I told him, "Today you will see the cardinal." WIthin 5 minutes down the road there he was as bright red and beautiful as ever flying right in front of our path. I would tell people of sightings over the phone and hear a sudden shriek of "Oh My God! A cardinal just landed in front of me while you told me the story. I sware to God. God Almighty". I could go on and on and I promise on my life every word is true and it would take me an entire book to list all the miracles of around the appearance of this bird over the last 2 years. I believe the cardinal's message was to enjoy the present no matter what I am up against. Enjoy the little things and every breath of life. Don't waste one moment on fear, worry, hurt, or anger. Life is Good. And even to say "I am proud of you and love you". I am close to God now and have come such a long way in life. There are so many people hurting think there is no way out. I pray the cardinal reaches them too."

Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience. God has so many wonderous ways of providing hope to us when we are in despair. Never stop looking! I love your interpretation of the cardinal, too- enjoy each day and cherish life! I am so happy to know that other people are being touched by a cardinal, too.

Bits from Nicholas

"Wizard of Oz, quizer de laz," are the magical words that came from Nicholas' mouth yesterday. I swear, one day he is going to be a poet, just like me- maybe even a songwriter. He can belt out rhyming tunes so easily and his imagination, well...let me give you an example.

We were driving back from the store on a beautiful sunny day when out of the blue, Nicholas said, "Can you believe God made all this?"

What wise words coming from my five-ear-old, I thought.

"Everything, that is, but us," he added quickly.

Where should I go with this, I asked myself as I crossed a busy intersection.

"Then who made us?" I finally decided to say.

There was a long silence, and I could see in the rearview mirror that Nicholas was thinking hard about this, wheels turning in his head.

"Well God made robots first, then He made us." Another pause. "God just wanted to see what we'd be like first."

Wise words from such a young boy. God is in charge of our lives. We are simply "robots" playing our small part in the big picture of life.

Cardinals Swarm My Yard in Praise of Award

Today after I gave Jeni the "Sisterhood award" cardinals started appearing in my backyard! I am not talking about just one or two cardinals. No- there were many more. Male and female cardinals were all over the place- on the ground, in the trees, on the powerlines, on my fence, grill and patio furniture. I have never seen so many cardinals in my yard at the same time- the bird feeder was even empty! Can you believe these red birds let me take their pictures, too? Usually when I want to get a picture, the beautiful bird flies away before I can get it. But today I was able to capture quite a few of the cardinals. I posted some of them. At first, I took a few pictures from inside (here's one)...

Then I decided to open the door and take the chance that the birds would stay. They did! I was filled with joy and happiness as I came to realize that Mary was thanking me for giving her big sis this award. Thank you for filling my yard with LOVE!

Delete Complete

If you happened to read my blog in just the right "window of opportunity" then you would have seen something I wrote that is no longer here. Ah, the magic of the infamous delete button.

Anyway, it was about a few things that got on my nerves at work today and Pete said I should write about that stuff in my journal, not publish it on the internet for everyone to see- I wouldn't want to publish something I'd regret later.

The problem is that sometimes, if I get upset enough, I will SAY something that I regret. But there is no delete button for words. Yes, there's "I'm sorry" and "can you forgive me?" yet are those words ever truly forgotten? I try to bite my tongue to stop those words, but sometimes they just come out anyway. To tell you the truth, I think I spend more time ruing and fretting over my blunders than the victim does.

One thing I do know is that God has the power to change anyone. I know that because He has changed me drastically over the past thirteen years. And if I try real hard to take care of myself both physically (not get too tired, hungry, angry of lonely) and spiritually (pray and meditate), then the chances of me becoming snappy are very slim. I'll try harder tomorrow.

Happy or Sad?

I am amazed at how well my day goes when I start it off with prayer. Yesterday I was challenged, turned to God, and He gave me strength to do the next right thing. You see, I was going through some of my poetry and came across a lot of poems I had written right after Mary died. After reading them, I was very sad and said some prayers. Then I went to visit Ms. Angelle. She needed to go to Sam's, so we went. She is getting to the point that walking is very painful, so I pushed her around in a wheelchair cart. Well, that got so full I had to go and get a regular cart, too. I am sure we looked hilarious pushing two carts side by side! When we got back to her house and had unloaded everything, we ate a nice lunch together. I am so grateful for my 93-year-old friend!

When I got home, Jake and Snowy did not greet my from their doggy hole. I went outside and they weren't there, but the fence had been pushed back and I knew they had escaped. Again, I was at a point to either panic or pray. I prayed. Then I called for them from the back and front of the house. Moments later, they appeared in the front, wet and dirty. I was so happy to see them (thank you Lord). Of course I had to bathe them. That reminded me of Mary, too, because she gave Jake a bath once. But this time it was a happy memory.

The rest of the day was good- picking up the kids and doing things with and for my family. I thanked God for the wonderful day- one that could have been sad, but turned out happy!