Rapture... or raptor?

rapture (n): 1. ecstatic joy or delight  2. religious or spiritual ecstasy  3. (Archaic) the art of carrying off

So, what is this "rapture" everyone's talking about? If it really is a celebration of the end of the world for those who believe they won't be saved, shouldn't it be called something else like raptor?

raptor (n): any of numerous carnivorous birds that hunt and kill other animals

A real rapture party would be a celebration of eternal life. The revelers would not be gathering together because of a crazy prediction from an 89-year-old man. Only God knows when the world will end, so these rapturers would enjoy each day; making each one as important as the last. In fact, spiritual beings experience rapture quite frequently by doing the right thing (or at least trying to) and making amends when they mess up. These ecstatic partiers also help one another when possible. This is called living a spiritual life and the celebration's ongoing.

On the other hand, a raptor party would be more appropriate for those who believe May 21, 2011 is Judgement Day. These suckers are being duped by an egotistical zealot. Some will sell their homes, give away fortunes, possibly even kill themselves because of this satanistic (or perhaps terroristic?) fallacy. Maybe they will rack up credit card debt or try their hands at something new.

Which is what I witnessed today. My amazing family had given me a gift certificate for a pedicure on Mother's Day, so I decided to cash in on this rapturous joy. I think everyone else had the same idea. The place was packed. I even saw two grown men sitting in the big massaging chairs; their feet soaking in water, hands in little pink bowls.

One reminded me of Bill Murray. He looked like an oafish teddy bear in that vibrating chair with his hairy legs sprawled out, one arm waving in the air. He was joking with the oriental lady about what was for dinner and when could he come. She slapped his hand like a nun would a belligerent student. Ole' Bill shut up real fast.

The other guy, who was younger and much more GQ, had a sly grin on his face the whole time. He was wearing a baseball cap (to disguise himself, I'm sure). I think GQ must have been drunk. I made eye contact with him once and his face reddened. I think he was merely Bill's tag-along. I did overhear the conversation turn to alcohol, so my active imagination surmised they were going to be partying like it was 1999.

And Me? Well, I'll just stay home with my family, maybe go to 5:00 Saturday night mass. But I don't believe all that mumbo jumbo. Do you?