Saturday, June 23, 2012

Your Whistle Shield

A montage of demons
floats through your closed
window in jasmine disguise
with an ample alluring aroma
as pleasing as the psycho-pseudo
sunset placed before your eyes.

And you think your life
a flawed mistake, a scrap
of litter on a granite field.
You feel trapped in an unknown
domain as the airtight room
swallows your whistle shield.

©laurie kolp

Prompt inspiration: The Sunday Whirl #62- jasmine, demons, window, scrap, ample, montage, flawed, granite, trapped, whistle, domain, sunset

26 comments:

Brian Miller said...

ugh...that last stanza is full of hard feelings...rather hopeless...but all too real...

Fred Rutherford said...

Great read. Fantastic description and imagery. Starts off with a really cool title, then opens with a montage of demons and followed by jasmine disguise, flawed mistakes and scrap of litter on a granite field. Really strong Laurie. Thanks

Gozoa aka Dulce said...

Suffocating yet beautiful

Great poem

Daydreamertoo said...

'as pleasing as the psycho-pseudo
sunset placed before your eyes'

Very deep and dark and yes, pretty suffocating too. Great use of the wordle words. I think they seemed a bit on the dark side too, with demons in them. :)

Linda said...

A really tight poem, Laurie. I like the way you use jasmine.

Dr. Pearl Ketover Prilik (PKP) said...

I am intrigued by the image of the whistle shield... The sense of despair and incipient hopelessness certainly power-full throughout !

SaraV said...

A briiliant summary of despair. I love the jasmine lines (sorry I had it in my head and then I lost it ):-)

annell said...

I like what you wrote! I think it is brilliant!

brenda w said...

ouch. Wow. Strong write.

Elizabeth said...

Really intrigued with the concept of the whistle shield. That will stay with me for a while. Strong imagery. Thank you,

Elizabeth

joanne said...

so incredible well-written.....not so sure about the use of 'montage' with 'demons', but I really was moved, espec. the 2nd stanza....

flaubert said...

Laurie, I love the opening stanza, it pulls the reader right in. Nicely done.

Pamela

Marianne said...

I agree with Pamela! That first stanza is gorgeous writing!
"A montage of demons
floats through your closed
window in jasmine disguise."
Jasmine disguise is wonderful!

Mr. Walker said...

Laurie, wow. I like "ample alluring aroma" and how the "whistle shield" - which is such a wonderful image in and of itself - being swallowed by the "airtight room". Very strong write - and an enjoyable read.

Richard

Mary said...

This gives me goosebumps, which means your wordle succeeded WELL. Effective use of the words!

Eva Gallant said...

I'm not intellectual enough to write an impressive comment; I just like what you wrote.

Hannah said...

"an ample alluring aroma
as pleasing as the psycho-pseudo
sunset placed before your eyes."

I love the way this rolled form the tongue, Laurie!! Well done!!

irene said...

A great touch of the psycho-pseudo is what you've painted, Laurie.

CC said...

And you think your life a flawed mistake. That line is full of so many things.

When Words Escape said...

This sounds great rolling off the tongue...especially:

as pleasing as the psycho-pseudo
sunset placed before your eyes.

Cheryl said...

Kind big to wrap my head around. Wow.

Tumblewords: said...

Terrific use of the wordles. The piece rolls, spins and hovers.

miskmask said...

You did very well weaving all the words into your piece. Nicely done.

Mary Mansfield said...

Powerful and intense. Those demons in disguise are always trouble!

Willow said...

Excellent portrait of mental illness, inside the head. I like your visuals and rhyme, well done.

Jules said...

You leave one wanting to know how the person was placed in such a room and if they ever do get to escape!
My short entry is here (but links to an additional story verse continuation of my latest series):
http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/06/sunday-whirl-62-crust-2.html