All my life I have tried to get approval from other people. Am I thinking it will make me feel better? It usually only makes me feel worse because I am not saying or doing what I really want.
A prime example is getting my hair done. I cannot tell you how many times I have switched hair dressers because I did not like what they had done to my hair. Now I have come to realize it's not their fault, it's mine. I never speak up when they say, "How do you like your hair?" Rather, I just smile and nod. "Oh, that looks great," I say. Well, of course I'm going to like it because they have my hair all jazzed up looking like something off a Paris runway. But when I get home and do it myself, I change my mind... and it usually has to do with the color.
You see, I was born blonde. In fact when I was little everyone called me Goldilocks.
I stayed blonde until I hit puberty and then my hair darkened up a little to dirty blonde.
When I was having babies and had raging hormones, for some reason my hair turned brown.
I did not like that, so I began getting my hair highlighted. What started as a few highlights eventually turned into a lot of blonde over the years. I had to get my hair done more often to keep the roots from showing. Soon I decided to do it myself. It turned red, then platinum blonde, then half of both; my hair looked horrible (I have no pictures of this insanity). My hair actually fell out (or something) while I was sleeping. I knew I needed help before the weddings this month.
So I swallowed my pride and tried a new guy that a friend had recommended. He cut my hair in layers to make the broken section blend in, then we made an appointment to get my hair...umm...fixed... the next day. I specifically told him I wanted my hair darker because I was sick of fooling with it. Guess what? He did my hair his way (because my hair just looks so good this color) and now I'm stuck with roots three weeks later, right before the final wedding. Yes, we got along great and talked for hours like we were best friends, but he did not do what I asked. To top it off, I DID NOT SAY A WORD.
I am making progress though. The next week I called and told him my hair was lighter than I wanted, so he put some toner on it. Now the light, white blonde streaks are back, as are the dark roots. UGH...I think I will just shave off my hair and start over.