In the shallows of the ocean deep
where broken shells are gathered
and sea foam cotton is a mirage
that fools the young at heart,
causes feet to drop on textured sand
a burst of pain settles in the toes
now dancing through hoops of fire;
one shoulder twists and then the other
like a bolt of Charo shimmying
rolling tongues until she topples,
forgives the waves for cutting in the fun.
@laurie kolp
Poetry inspiration: The Sunday Whirl (forgive, shoulder, topples, shallows, bolt, broken, gathered, dancing, drop, burst, causes, feet, hoops)
Also linked to Imaginary Garden With Real Toads Open Link Monday
29 comments:
Wonderful Sunday whirl Laurie. Nicely done!
Hank
The ocean's getting too cold here for dancing! Nice.
"Though dancing through hoops of fire" is such a wonderful image, Laurie. I'd like to be dancing in an ocean right now - a warm one!
There's the mixture of heavy and light here. The title is great.
Thanks... me, too (minus the broken shells)!
Yes, there's a mix of both happy and sad here, powerful imagery.
Great use of the prompt Laurie.
Life's ying and yang ebb and flow with the tide. This is lovely, Laurie.
Here's mine:
Vernon Reads
Bringing shimmying Charo into the surf borders on genius.
I don’t recall ever reading a more remarkable shift between two stanzas before. Very effective.
Ouch!! I would be doing the same on those gathered broken shells!! They really do hurt!! :P
Enjoyed the reference to Charo, (cuchi-cuchi!). "Sea foam cotton is a mirage that fools the young at heart," is a wonderful line. Well done, Laurie!
A gentle, descriptive drift until the final, cutting moment!
I took a look at the words this Sunday, and for the life of me, couldn't find the connection. I'm amazed how well you pulled it all together in such a way that the words are imperceptibly placed.
Great use of the words in the wordle. Well done.
Laurie, you certainly did the words justice. Nice one.
Pamela
charo!!! how wonderfully unexpected!
Beautifully written...ocean's dance tinged with reality's crushed shells...great piece!!
didnt get the Charo...but loved the rest.smooth flowing interlaced lines.
So well done with that unexpected "bolt of Charo"! Very effective imagery throughout.
Wonderful descriptions, Laurie. I could feel it all, especially the pain, having felt the same unexpected reality of the ocean. I will always "forgive the waves" too.
(I haven't thought of Charo in years. Oh, those moves!)
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel
PS — The verification word is "charair"!
That's funny, Kay!
the pain of being confronted,
the hoops of fire,
'sea foam cotton'
the words are smooth and inventive.
and huge props to you for getting all those words to have meaning in one place. !!
I was stung by tiny jellyfish once in shallow ocean water that felt like fire. I can relate!
This is lovely!
What's charo?
Such beautiful writing..
hanging my head
I have no idea of a sunday whirl, but I could feel this happening ... and I so love the sand in the ocean. Very nice.
Charo - a gorgeous bombshell of a Latina famous for her shimmying dance moves and sultry persona. Here's her website: http://www.charo.com/
Now, as for the poem - well wordled. :) Great shift from the lightness of the first verse to the pain of the second. Whether it's a shell, glass, sea creature or other beach hazard, stepping on pointy things in soft sand near (or worse, in) salt water is definitely cause to shimmy about looking for relief. I stepped on a crab claw once while using my toes to hunt for underwater shells; thank the Lord it didn't puncture, but it did set me to doing a minor freakout dance.
Adroit mood shift between the verses. I read the pain as v.cold water when you paddle.
Perfect representation of encroaching on the cold ocean.
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