Saturday, October 15, 2011

Dancing at the Ocean's Edge

In the shallows of the ocean deep
where broken shells are gathered
and sea foam cotton is a mirage
that fools the young at heart,
causes feet to drop on textured sand

a burst of pain settles in the toes
now dancing through hoops of fire;
one shoulder twists and then the other
like a bolt of Charo shimmying
rolling tongues until she topples,
forgives the waves for cutting in the fun.

@laurie kolp

Poetry inspiration: The Sunday Whirl (forgive, shoulder, topples, shallows, bolt, broken, gathered, dancing, drop, burst, causes, feet, hoops)

Also linked to Imaginary Garden With Real Toads Open Link Monday

30 comments:

kaykuala said...

Wonderful Sunday whirl Laurie. Nicely done!

Hank

Eva Gallant said...

The ocean's getting too cold here for dancing! Nice.

Mary said...

"Though dancing through hoops of fire" is such a wonderful image, Laurie. I'd like to be dancing in an ocean right now - a warm one!

irene said...

There's the mixture of heavy and light here. The title is great.

Laurie Kolp said...

Thanks... me, too (minus the broken shells)!

Daydreamertoo said...

Yes, there's a mix of both happy and sad here, powerful imagery.
Great use of the prompt Laurie.

brenda w said...

Life's ying and yang ebb and flow with the tide. This is lovely, Laurie.

Here's mine:
Vernon Reads

barbara said...

Bringing shimmying Charo into the surf borders on genius.

Mike Patrick said...

I don’t recall ever reading a more remarkable shift between two stanzas before. Very effective.

Nanka said...

Ouch!! I would be doing the same on those gathered broken shells!! They really do hurt!! :P

Marianne said...

Enjoyed the reference to Charo, (cuchi-cuchi!). "Sea foam cotton is a mirage that fools the young at heart," is a wonderful line. Well done, Laurie!

Gemma Wiseman said...

A gentle, descriptive drift until the final, cutting moment!

Kerry O'Connor said...

I took a look at the words this Sunday, and for the life of me, couldn't find the connection. I'm amazed how well you pulled it all together in such a way that the words are imperceptibly placed.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Great use of the words in the wordle. Well done.

flaubert said...

Laurie, you certainly did the words justice. Nice one.

Pamela

Marian said...

charo!!! how wonderfully unexpected!

Susie Clevenger said...

Beautifully written...ocean's dance tinged with reality's crushed shells...great piece!!

Abin Chakraborty said...

didnt get the Charo...but loved the rest.smooth flowing interlaced lines.

Mary Ann Potter said...

So well done with that unexpected "bolt of Charo"! Very effective imagery throughout.

Kay L. Davies said...

Wonderful descriptions, Laurie. I could feel it all, especially the pain, having felt the same unexpected reality of the ocean. I will always "forgive the waves" too.
(I haven't thought of Charo in years. Oh, those moves!)

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

PS — The verification word is "charair"!

Laurie Kolp said...

That's funny, Kay!

Fireblossom said...

Oh, ouch! That's no joke.

shawnacymariekiker said...

the pain of being confronted,
the hoops of fire,
'sea foam cotton'

the words are smooth and inventive.
and huge props to you for getting all those words to have meaning in one place. !!

Philip Thrift said...

I was stung by tiny jellyfish once in shallow ocean water that felt like fire. I can relate!

imnotaverse said...

This is lovely!

What's charo?

gautami tripathy said...

Such beautiful writing..

hanging my head

The Old Raven said...

I have no idea of a sunday whirl, but I could feel this happening ... and I so love the sand in the ocean. Very nice.

Traci B said...

Charo - a gorgeous bombshell of a Latina famous for her shimmying dance moves and sultry persona. Here's her website: http://www.charo.com/

Now, as for the poem - well wordled. :) Great shift from the lightness of the first verse to the pain of the second. Whether it's a shell, glass, sea creature or other beach hazard, stepping on pointy things in soft sand near (or worse, in) salt water is definitely cause to shimmy about looking for relief. I stepped on a crab claw once while using my toes to hunt for underwater shells; thank the Lord it didn't puncture, but it did set me to doing a minor freakout dance.

Lucy Westenra said...

Adroit mood shift between the verses. I read the pain as v.cold water when you paddle.

zumpoems.com said...

Perfect representation of encroaching on the cold ocean.