Sliding down this mountain has been quite emotional for me. I have spent so much time on my novel that I feel lost. I miss my characters as if they were friends who moved away. I want to jump back into their world. I am just so emotional!
Yesterday Katie and I watched The Last Song, a movie based on Nicholas Sparks' novel. It was a beautiful story that so deeply touched me I nearly cried a puddle. I have never cried like that at a movie I watched with Katie. In fact, I don't think I have cried like that since I was pregnant; back then, I cried at Hallmark commercials! We were watching it on the bed in my room (Pete and the boys were watching a manly movie in the den). The tears flowed continuously out of my eyes and down my face like a faucet. Katie handed me the Kleenex box and was like, "M-O-uh-M." She was paying more attention to me than the TV! After the movie was over, I tried to tell Pete about it, and I started bawling all over again. Katie did not know how to handle seeing her mom so... weak? I even checked to make sure my hormone patch was not overdue.
It was a sad movie and all, but I believe there was much more to my reaction than meets the eye. I mean, down deep I could have been mourning the ending of my book. Subconsciously, I might have been ruing over the probability that my book will never hit the New York Times bestseller list, or the big screen like Nicholas Sparks, Elizabeth Gilbert and James Patterson. But I love my novel, and I think it deserves the best.
And now I know...
FEAR is threatening to knock down my confidence. After all, the hard part is ahead of me. As a friend said, now is the time to redecorate-- rearrange things here and there, add a little flair, and polish it up.
THEN I get to start the process of submitting my little baby and subjecting it to all kinds of harsh criticism and rejection. Can I handle that?
I think I can, I think I can... back up the hill I go.