I came across a wonderful blog this morning, Ordinary Courage. Not only is it aesthetically appealing, but its message is strong: nobody's perfect- embrace who you are and stop striving for perfection.
To me, perfection was always this unreachable enigma for other people to attain, partly because I associated success with perfection. I knew it was an impossible feat, so why even try? This illusion made for a lackadaisical attitude for many years. Even if I was successful, I felt unworthy of the recognition. For instance, I was a very well-respected teacher in several top-notch school districts. I even held a title for which I was the sole representative in the entire district; but I still felt like I was not good enough.
Now I know this lack of courage was a by-product of low self-esteem and self-flagellation (harsh criticism). Only until I was able to recognize that there is only one entity in this entire universe that is perfect, and that one is God, was I able to let go and just be myself. Today I can try my best and leave the results to God, but the point is I TRY.
I do not have to be the best writer, nor do I have to be the perfect writer; I simply need to try. I also do not have to let those rejections eat away at my innermost being and make me feel like a good-for-nothing-loser. I simply have to put on my big girl pants and try somewhere else. It is in God's hands anyway, and will be accepted in His time. (Plus, I need to focus on the acceptances I have received, rather that the rejections).
I am so grateful I am no longer a slave to FEAR. Fear was the roadblock that prevented me from trying, because if I couldn't be the best, why even bother? Today I have HUMILITY and I know I am not the best, but I can still succeed.
The Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.