It all began to take shape not long
after his business trip-- the copper-breath kisses he planted
on the surface of her wanting lips
like a mechanical dippy bird,
the growing silent treatment
within an ivy dream-like haze,
the flitting thoughts of swarming bees.
Inhaling pepper sand, she took the plunge
cornered him in the shade of beseeching eyes
asked him who the hell Grace was
and why he called out her name
in the heavy stillness of night’s embrace.
@laurie kolp
*****
Floating in the sea of space
my worries drift through time.Medusa lost in orbit,
I prey on heaven’s climb.
Dare I trust this leap of faith,
release all inhibitions?Pride cometh before the fall
trailing~ euphoric conditions.
@laurie kolp
31 comments:
Laurie, I like both pieces, but the first demanded a second read. I love the images of mechanical dippy bird, and flitting thoughts of swarming bees. Excellent writing, with a grand slam ending.
~Brenda
Yow! flitting thoughts of swarming bees. What a take on suspicion!
(I couldn't resist Grace as a name, either)
Wow! was not expecting that ending on the first piece... beautifully written.
Excellent wordle. I liked it a lot, as it seems quite different than your usual style. And...good for her for confronting him!
Both pieces were great ... and fun, number 1 had me at the end!
That was an amazing grace. This prompt is bringing out some twists.
superb piece.
smiles.
Reminding you to join jingle poetry potluck week 41 tonight.
Any poems are welcome.
Cheers.
Always, your poetry is sunshine to us!
Bless your weekend.
xoxox
Holy Cow! Laurie the wordle poem is hard-hitting. Ouch! Well done.
Pamela
Lost my comment! Wanted you to know I loved them both!
The first poem was quite well done. Some well used word choices and metaphors. Really enjoyed it.
Thank you!
Ouch on the first, perhaps the second one is your grace.
Both really good poems, but I especially liked the first one - age-old story but you gave it new language - I love the dippy-bird kisses - well done.
wow. both are so different and unique.
terrific writing both!
Luna
Really like that first piece on Grace....the second too..but the first my favorite...bkm
Oh, Oh! Someone's in trouble!
Both lovely pieces, but I'm with the majority, the first has a knockout ending!
These are amazing Laurie! I love the raw emotion and the exquisite imagery of the first and the flow and rhythm of the second is amazing
Some great lines there, I am with the others, I love dippy bird kisses. :-)
Whoa!
Grace is not always the blessing it seems to be. ;-)
I too had to go back and read this over again......Grace was a woman. This is beyond excellent.
Rocketed truly rocks.......that euphoria will get us every time....well penned
We all seek grace in our own way, I guess!! Maybe he WAS having a religious experience!!
Dippy bird...thumbs up...
For the Sake of Grace = 5 Stars. I'm shaking.
for the sake of grace....this really touched me..very fine write
perfect.
A very powerful poem.
Two good poems, Laurie. I particularly lik your take on the wordle, and using Grace as a name was clever.
Laurie,
I absolutely loved the first poem. I loved the build-up to that question!!!!
Sorry for my lateness in commenting...
Eileen
Excellent pair of poems. I like your take on the wordle; very different from my own and the others I've read so far. :)
That "mechanical dippy bird" - such a great image for that type of passionless kiss. I like how you told this story.
Richard
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