Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Four Forever Years Ago...

Tonight was the night
we had our last conversation
four forever years ago.
You were so tired and nervous, said
his mom had taken the kids overnight
so you could be alone with him
after all your time apart.

In the closet hiding, I saw you-
bright reds, purples, endless black
the colors of your fear dancing
violently while I tried in vain
to find the white glow within closed eyes
fading after all these years.

Yet you still give me subtle signs
that you’re okay- a certain song or memory
vibrant cardinals, peaceful feelings
warm fuzzies when I need them most
but all I really want to know is-

what happened on this night
four forever years ago
that made you pull the trigger
the very next day?

@laurie kolp

Prompt inspiration: Poetry Jam- Connections

17 comments:

Mary said...

Laurie, this is a poem of such questioning and such sadness I cannot fathom it. Often I have heard that the one who is about to commit suicide gives signs that he/she is all right. I am just so sorry that you had to experience this, that anyone has to, that (most of all)she had to die.

Brian Miller said...

damn laurie....that closing was rocking...ugh...this felt a lot like that other one you posted...i dont know if this is the same situ just expanded but...ugh...felt in the pit of my stomach....

Janet said...

what happened on this night
four forever years ago
that made you pull the trigger
the very next day?

That is the very same question we asked 1 and 1/2 yrs. ago when Jim's co-worker ended his life this way...

Mary Mansfield said...

Oh Laurie, this poem just makes my heart ache, so much pain eloquently expressed.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Powerful writing, Laurie. Terribly sad that she (and you) had to go through this. I'm glad you receive signs she is okay. So sad.

Margaret said...

That gave me a jolt - makes me want to rewrite the ending... but suicide makes that impossible...

turtlememoir said...

oh god, Laurie, my heart was in my mouth reading this - the title, and everything about it so immediate... reminding me of a similar event in my own "forever years ago" that begs expression - perhaps now I won't need to (write it)

Peggy said...

So sad Laurie. Very moving piece and such a sad connection to remember. Thanks for sharing this very personal memory.

Helen said...

'Four Forever Years Ago' is a gut-wrenching, powerful read ... and incredibly worth it.

Jinksy said...

That got the grey cells and the heartstrings working...

Mariya Koleva said...

This "four forever years ago" is haunting... powerful and shattering.

Grace said...

This is so sad Laurie...the ending and opening lines tied well together ~

I am sorry you had to experience this sorrow and memory ~

janaki nagaraj said...

Oh! God, this is sad and soo powerful.

Dave King said...

First of all, the title is brilliant, and the repetition of the phrase is superbly handled. The poem as a whole is moving ly sad yet enjoyable.

Hannah said...

My heart aches with the loss, Laurie. Blessings of comfort to you for the "four forever years ago," that I'm sure probably feels like yesterday. I'm so sorry.

teri said...

Blessings of comfort-as the past leaks through. You have said it exactly the way it had to be said.

Jeannette, said...

oh my...this is so sad...