At times we crawled beneath the outer realm
As scavengers in search of revelence
Defying subtle guidance from the helm
We pushed aside the path of common sense
Colliding more than once with providence
Why does it have to end in tragedy
Before the light bestills humanity?
@laurie kolp
Prompt inspiration: dVerse Poets
13 comments:
Guess I've more than once collided with providence!
I love "scavengers in search of relevance!"
Until we learn that we have to give back what we take in equal shares, we will never learn.
I think slowly, one by one we are starting to wake up to this, I hope it's before earth reaches her point of no return.
Ironic that the things waking us up these days are all tragedies, travesties of our governments, and tantrums of entertainers (or even deaths).
How about we try to beat providence at its own game by waging love?
This is a great poem for pondering the possibilities, Laurie, thanks so much for offering it. Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/07/29/yeah-like-thats-gonna-happen/
I agree with Mama Zen, "Scavengers in search of relevance" is a marvelous line. Relevance fades, the Spirit leads us to treasures that do not fade.
David
A highly relevant poem to our age. Brava. And I like the wayyou have nailed the rime royal but made it your own.
We are learning but perhaps too slowly - I hope not for our great-grandchildren's grandchildren's sakes.
Sorry Laurie,
I thought I'd made it by to read everyone. I really apologize. This was a lovely piece about that need we have to follow curiosity and possibly get into great difficulty because of it. It speaks to the ways of mankind.
It is very nearly perfect in form except for one line (and unfortunately it's one of the best lines in the poem). The line "Scavengers in search of relevance" is short a syllable and that would be the first syllable. I looked up scavenger and it is a dactyl - the first syllable heavily stressed followed by two lighter ones. I think you can make "ers in" work as an iambic foot but they neither one have very hard stresses; nevertheless if that foot followed a proper first foot the rhythm would work well enough I think.
I don't have a suggestion for it as most words that come to my mind are empty ones. I'll leave that to you.
The rhyme scheme is perfect and the poem is true gem. Just a tiny little fix needed. Thanks so much for writing, reading, linking and supporting dversepoets. Gay
How about if you squeaked in "as"?
"as scavengers in search of relevance"?
Thanks for the tips... I'm going to add "as" = )
Beautiful poem about human nature. I like that you end it with a question!
This is such a poignant piece... that which we so often take for granted, yet so need to open our eyes and hearts to should we continue to use these precious treasures.
Fabulous example of the form. Perfectly rhyming in the depths of wonderfyl rhythms.
Laurie, you have definitely asked some good questions in this poem!
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