Sunday, September 11, 2011
Building a Bottom Up
The shrill voice said it was urgent, come now
and I was a lion roaring down the highway pass
cutting in and out of traffic, honking horns,
darkened night the void that filled my mind
with horrific thoughts of impending doom,
a rash of tragedy to build his bottom up;
could I withstand this not so simple man?
A jolt of dignity mustered bold strength
to scrape the nerve I needed to approach
this brewery lying on the ground smiling
ankles crossed, hands in pockets limp;
will he still be happy when he comes to?
Prompt inspiration: The Sunday Whirl, also shared at Poets United Poetry Pantry
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You've captured the addict's sense of confusion with fantastic imagery. I love the lion image, and your last stanza makes me sad and wary. Beautiful writing, on a difficult topic.
Thanks, Brenda. I carried over yesterday's theme into this one (not for any particular reason).
Wow, Laurie, what a powerful picture. I've never had to deal with a human brewery (excellent description, by the way), but I suspect I'd feel much as your narrator does.
Darn it, that hits home, doesn't it!
You sure do weave a story here.. like the image of the lion roaring down the highway...
Good day to you ~
Wow, what a tale you have woven here. I can vividly picture the scene and the pain, fear, and confusion.
"human brewery" what a description! Excellent.
"Human brewery" is a very clever term. Good poem, Laurie.
really clever use of the prompt words in this poem
Yes a story brewing there...
I know the feeling, even though I was too young to drive...
What a descriptive wordle, Laurie. Well done!
addiction has always been source of inspiration for countless poetry, this poem rates high upon them because of the instant dark imagery it builds up. its like an instant climaxing of a story, there is no gradual buildup but the reader is plunged straight into the addict's mind. the confused nature and desire to find his/her drug is strong in the addict's mind.
you captured the intense imagery of an addict's life in this poem. beautiful and dark.
Such a vivid portrait Laurie. Very powerful, especially...
"this brewery lying on the ground smiling
ankles crossed, hands in pockets limp;"
You used the wordle words to very good effect here.
Well crafted story in the poem!! The two characters are well portrayed, one showing anxiety and concern while the other an abusive and irresponsible, drunk. Liked the term used 'brewery lying on the ground'.
We are celebrating one year anniversary, wish to say thank you for the support in the past year, it would be a delight to have you share a piece of poetry with us today ,
You Deserve The Best!
Bless your Monday!
Jingle Poetry Community
I didn't even notice the wordle words as I read this, which tells me you've done a masterful job of weaving them seamlessly into your excellent poem. "Brewery lying on the ground smiling" is a brilliant image.
Laurie, this is a great relationship poem - and a sad one. This reminds me of a friend's parents; the husband drank too much. A fine poem out of those wordle words.
A great poem Laurie.
That need to respond to the urgent voice comes across clearly in the first stanza, I felt myself reading it quickly as if I was in the car cutting in and out of the traffic.
Then it finishes with that sad ending that feeling of hopelessness. I loved the line 'the brewery lying on the ground smiling' - to me it summed up the idea that the victim is not always the addict.
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