A rat of a conversation

I had an interesting/irritating conversation today that really made me want to scream. I just had to share.

Male Someone (SO): When are you going to go back to work?

Me:  (Are you kidding me?) I do work.

SO (with raised eyebrows): Are you serious? I mean a real job.

Me: Ahem. I'm a writer (and a mother of three extremely active kids and wife to husband who is working on his MBA while holding down a job in which he is the manager). I never want to teach again if that's what you mean.

SO: You don't have to teach. You can just get a mindless job somewhere.

Okay you MSO, no SOB... obviously you know nothing about my life and how writing is my passion, how money doesn't matter to me and how my husband is very supportive.

 I changed the subject and wrapped up the conversation, ran inside and began this post (which really makes me feel like a tattle-tale).

So tell me, how would you respond to something like this?

P.S. Immediately after I wrote this I checked my email and this is what I found!

~~~~

Someone is now following Bird's-Eye Gemini

Someone just started following you at http://lkkolp.wordpress.com. They will receive an email every time you publish a post. Congratulations.

Falling Leaves

Whew. After fearing for days that I was indeed succumbing to the falling leaves within my mind swirling piles of scattered memories, I can now bag those piles of rubbish thoughts and move on with my life. You see, last weekend we went out to eat and when Pete realized he had forgotten his wallet, he asked me for my debit card. I was in the middle of a serious conversation with my mother when he said, "What's your password?"

All of the sudden my mind became as blank as a winter tree. My password? I thought about it for a minute and tried to recall the pattern I so effortlessly typed into keypads too many times a day; but I could not remember those five digits.

I covered up the blank I drew. "Uh, can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Can you just charge it?"

The fear of rejection kept my debit card pocketed for the next day. If I punched in the wrong ID number, I might get accused of stealing my own card! I over-thought about what the PIN could be with no luck whatsoever, while at the same time scheming like an identity thief; if I try it there, they'll confiscate my card and handcuff me, but if I try it here I might be able to get away with it.

I tried to use it when I filled up with gas, but it was incorrect. What was I going to do? Go into the bank and tell them I'm losing my mind?

Yesterday I'd had enough. I psyched myself up and when the time came to give my debit card a try, I swiped it, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I then let my fingers do the typing. Guess what? I got it right!

Sometimes I think my fingers know more than I do. After all, they are the ones who take off writing and leave me running behind falling face first in the crunchy leaves.

From Rejected to Debonair

You pined away on me for days
Each word you chose meticulously
       Poring over precise meanings
       Pumping empathy into tone
A piano tuner with each note
Listening for off-pitch keys
       You named me and played me

 And then you submitted me

Days and months passed
No news, no sign; yet hope
       I sat unattended and ignored
       Missing your tender voice
I'd come home, you'd brag to friends
About how I made you proud

And then the letter came

I watched as you read the news
Another place, a different time
They said to try again- bullshit!
        I am a neglected misfit
       Go ahead and throw me away

But you still believed in me

You bathed me, trimmed me up
Matched and fit words to a tee
       You told me you'd keep trying
       To find a special spot deserving
       Of my finesse, suavity...
                       
And now I'm debonair, one day you'll see


@laurie kolp

Inspiration: We Write Poems,  One Stop Poetry

Writing through the seasons

The tug-of-war between spring and winter I talked about yesterday was symbolic of a battle I was fighting within.

Most of the time I can handle rejection, but not this time; it was personal.  My elephant skin peeled away layer upon layer, tear upon tear, leaving me standing in a pile of fear.  I found myself wondering if I could take anymore.  My doubtful voice was saying, "Admit it, you suck." At the same time, my inner voice was answering, "Never give up!"  Back and forth, back and forth.


Photo by Cameron Johnson

But then a great friend sent me a picture her son had taken of a cardinal.  She wanted to cheer me up, and it worked!  Suddenly I was inspired once again.  To top it off, I had a writer's guild meeting last night and was able to meet with some great friends. 

I knew there was a reason I loved the uniqueness of each season.  Each comes with its own set of challenges.  How I handle them will lead me through.  The same goes with writing.  On I'll march and I will persevere!

T is for Truth

To tell you the truth, this alphabet challenge is getting, um, challenging; I will be glad when it is over.  Honestly, I feel as if I'm reaching a stalemate.  The end of school is demanding and exhausting; I've been tired at the day's end.  As I have gotten further down the alphabet, it has been more difficult for me to think of interesting and unique topics.  I just stare at the screen like I am in a trance and the last thing I want to do is write something about the letter T, or whatever letter I am on. 

Then I have a little snack (usually a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or ice cream), get rejuvenated and the creative juices start to flow.  The funny thing is that I have to start typing first and then my fingers just seem to take over.  Like tonight I was going to write, "This alphabet exercise is getting tiring so I am taking a break today," but look how this is progressing.  Writing wakens my mind and energizes my soul; I cannot get enough of it.  So do not fret, because when this challenge is over I am still going to post more frequently than I had been for a while.  That's the truth and I'm sticking to it.

Keeping my eyes on the light

When I was drowning in exhaustion from having three children under the age of four, it was hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I knew it would come and that the kids would become more independent, but sometimes it felt like I would never get any sleep.  I would often remind myself to "keep my eyes on the light."  This helped me through some challenging times.

Sometimes I get to feeling that way today, but for a different reason- deadlines.  As a writer, I am basically self-employed.  I love that aspect because it allows me to work while I keep up with the tasks of running a family of five.  I have so many projects I have to keep up with, though, I don't even have time to finish up the book I have been working on for several years.  I guess I need to remember to "keep my eyes on the light," which today is when my book finally gets published.  Until then, I will trudge through this busy time and revel in the fact I am happier than I have ever been.

Spending money to save money

When I was single and on my own, I would go shopping with my friends on Saturdays.  We would peruse the malls in Houston for hours and even make deals with each other, such as spending at least $100.00 or buying at least three new things.  It seemed, at the time, the thing to do.  I was teaching and supported myself, so why not shop on the weekend?

Well, now I hate to shop.  I would much rather spend my time with the family at home or writing, writing, writing.  I know Pete is grateful for that!  He has put things in perspective for me through the years.  I used to come home with an item that was "a steal" because it cost so little.  Pete didn't say much at first, but once we started having kids and the space in our small home began filling up, he started speaking up.  My wonderful husband told me this profound statement that now resonates through my mind frequently:

"How is spending money to save money really saving money?"

All of the captivating sales techniques that lure in suckers like me are simply tricks to get consumers to spend.  I must admit when I do have to go shopping for our growing children I just have to stop by my section, too.  I often waste time going through the sales racks and trying on clothes.  I collect a pile of clothes I don't really need and then end up putting them back before I leave the store.  All because I hear Pete's logic echo through my head.  Old habits die hard, but they do eventually die (if you try).

Gifts

It is our uniqueness that gives freshness and vitality to a relationship.
~Dr. James Dobson

God has shown you His grace in giving you different gifts...So be good servants and use your gifts to serve each other.
~1 Peter 4:10

I went for years unsure of what my "special gift" was. I tried teaching for twelve years(basically because most of the women in my family were teachers of some sort), but never felt like that was my true calling. I became a mother and LOVE being a mom and wife. That job kept me very busy for many years (especially because when I had Nicholas, I had three children under the age of four)- until they started school. Then I had all this empty time in my day while they were away. I can only do laundry and clean house for so long before I feel crazy. I did volunteer at the school for a while until a snobby you-know-what stabbed me in the back and sent me running with my tail between my legs. So I began writing. I had always loved to write stories and poetry as a child. I would spend hours and hours in my room filling notebooks with little stories (chapters and all).

One story stands out in my memory about a girl who had just moved to a beach town. She met a girl on her street and they became friends. They had all kinds of adventures by the beach. Looking back I can see how that story paralleled my life. My family had just moved to another state in an older neighborhood and I was longing for my old neighborhood friends. I guess I took refuge in writing out my fantasies.

Isn't it funny how it took me nearly forty years to find my true calling? Andrew worries about his true calling, or talent as he calls it, and thanks to his teacher he is now doubting his capabilities. Hopefully Andrew can look at me and realize that sometimes it takes a very long time to figure that out. God speaks when He knows you are ready to hear Him.

Moral Support

For a writer, getting published for the first time is like Christmas for young children. It's as good as ice cream is with cake, or milk with cookies. Becoming a published author is as joyous as graduating from college, or having any dream come true.

People who support and encourage writers are necessary to not only keep the writer writing, but to boost their morale since writing is a "lonely" profession. There is no boss to give you kudos (unless you are lucky enough to land an agent) so words or encouragement are welcomed by authors (at least this one).

This past weekend was filled with book signings. I had the great opportunity to share these events with Carol Weishampel. We had a good time visiting and sharing ideas, and even though the turn-out was low, we were there to support each other. Thank you to my family and Carol.

Finding the Right Time to Write

I love to write, always have. When the kids are in school, I sit at the computer for hours on end and type away. In fact, my handwriting has suffered due to lack of use; I type almost everything. I love it when the words flow easily and hours pass that seem like minutes. I take advantage of those prime writing days.
But sometimes the words don't come as easily...especially in the summer. That is one of the reasons I took a sabbatical in July~ I needed an attitude adjustment and I simply did not have time to write. I did use the time for contemplative reflection and am empowered with a fresh idea for a novel. I cannot wait to begin writing the book. Once the kids start school in nine days, I will (hopefully) be able to dive right in. I will keep you posted on my progress.

An Attitude of Gratitude

One joy scatters a hundred griefs. ~ Chinese Proverb

I am so grateful today! I have discovered that an attitude of gratitude makes life much easier to deal with. Here are some of the things I am thankful for:

1. My family- Three healthy, smart, talented children who are not one bit spoiled; my wonderful, loving, supportive husband who loves me unconditionally.
2. Two sweet, adorable dogs Snowie and Jake.
3. Parents and a sister who live so close and are always supportive and helpful.
4. Wonderful friends who love me even when I don't love myself- who are supportive, caring and understanding. I am so grateful to know they will ALWAYS be here for me~ thanks, my friends!
5. My modest house- it may not be a mansion, or worth a lot, but it's home and I love it. My children were born into this house and they love it, too. There have been many memories made here.
6. Writing, writing, writing (and my writing peers).
AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST- GOD. Through Him anything is possible!

What are you grateful for today? Please share!

Hip- Hip Hooray!

I wish this was bigger, but in case you're wondering, the note says,
"Laurie,
Thank you for contributing your story to "Christmas Miracles." We're excited about the book and look forward to its great success. "Christmas Miracles" will release in October. You will receive complimentary copies from the publisher at this time.
~Twila Belk
Manager/P.A. of bestselling author Cecil Murphy
(Publisher: St. Martin's Press)

Can you believe this came in the mail today, along with the check for my story? I am now an officially payed author!!! Yippee- I'm doing the victory dance across the living room floor. Maybe this is the beginning of what's yet to come? I sure hope so. I'll be busy typing away, submitting stories and posting on my blog. Until then- thank you- keep coming back!