Ingrained: Whole Wheat Mush

Me and big sis

I learned a few things about myself yesterday when family came over for a New Year’s Day celebration. Apparently, when I was just three-years-old, I threw up in the middle of the night and then climbed out of my crib, got a towel and went back to mop it up without a fuss (as opposed to my sister going to tell our mother she felt sick and vomiting all over her in bed). Imagine that! Something I’ve always delegated to Pete because I couldn’t stand it, and there I was a mere toddler, cleaning it myself.

Another thing I heard for the first time was something that happened when I was six and my sister was twelve. Our parents were out, or getting ready to go out. My sister decided to fix me a salad. She made a big deal about how yummy it was going to be and then discovered all that was in the refrigerator was lettuce. So the salad was made with lettuce and… green olives. Guess what I did. No, not throw up, but I probably could have. I cried (I much prefer black olives over green, and really don’t care for either one, but cry over olives?). Maybe it was the Thousand Island dressing, I just don’t know. Peas were the only food I’d ever fussed over until I discovered salt and ketchup made them somewhat edible. Still, I ate that salad even though I probably hated it.

I had never heard these stories before, or if I had, I’d blocked them out of my mind. But what they did was reaffirm something I already know about myself. Only now I know it started at a very young age. What is that something, you might ask? Maybe you have guessed. I’m a people pleaser. I’m also sensitive and insecure, and I think all these qualities knead together to create a doughy existence. Mush, squeezable, raw, sticky dough.

I try to work on it though. I want to be a solid fresh-from-the-oven loaf of French bread. No, make that a Kaiser roll. I don't want to worry about what other people think anymore. So what if someone leaves a shitty comment on something I’ve written? Or if someone tries to guilt me into doing something for them? I don't need to consent just because I don't want to make them mad. Must I please others only to make myself miserable? They always let me down anyway.

It’s a new year and every year I choose a word to represent it. I try and focus on that word and use it to become a better person. My word for 2013 is God. I want to work more on doing His will. I want to say no to lettuce and green olive salads. I want to continue making Pete clean up vomit. God’s the only one I need to please.

Do you have any goals for 2013?

Rapture... or raptor?

rapture (n): 1. ecstatic joy or delight  2. religious or spiritual ecstasy  3. (Archaic) the art of carrying off

So, what is this "rapture" everyone's talking about? If it really is a celebration of the end of the world for those who believe they won't be saved, shouldn't it be called something else like raptor?

raptor (n): any of numerous carnivorous birds that hunt and kill other animals

A real rapture party would be a celebration of eternal life. The revelers would not be gathering together because of a crazy prediction from an 89-year-old man. Only God knows when the world will end, so these rapturers would enjoy each day; making each one as important as the last. In fact, spiritual beings experience rapture quite frequently by doing the right thing (or at least trying to) and making amends when they mess up. These ecstatic partiers also help one another when possible. This is called living a spiritual life and the celebration's ongoing.

On the other hand, a raptor party would be more appropriate for those who believe May 21, 2011 is Judgement Day. These suckers are being duped by an egotistical zealot. Some will sell their homes, give away fortunes, possibly even kill themselves because of this satanistic (or perhaps terroristic?) fallacy. Maybe they will rack up credit card debt or try their hands at something new.

Which is what I witnessed today. My amazing family had given me a gift certificate for a pedicure on Mother's Day, so I decided to cash in on this rapturous joy. I think everyone else had the same idea. The place was packed. I even saw two grown men sitting in the big massaging chairs; their feet soaking in water, hands in little pink bowls.

One reminded me of Bill Murray. He looked like an oafish teddy bear in that vibrating chair with his hairy legs sprawled out, one arm waving in the air. He was joking with the oriental lady about what was for dinner and when could he come. She slapped his hand like a nun would a belligerent student. Ole' Bill shut up real fast.

The other guy, who was younger and much more GQ, had a sly grin on his face the whole time. He was wearing a baseball cap (to disguise himself, I'm sure). I think GQ must have been drunk. I made eye contact with him once and his face reddened. I think he was merely Bill's tag-along. I did overhear the conversation turn to alcohol, so my active imagination surmised they were going to be partying like it was 1999.

And Me? Well, I'll just stay home with my family, maybe go to 5:00 Saturday night mass. But I don't believe all that mumbo jumbo. Do you?

Soap opera email

A few minutes ago I was reading through my emails, many of which were follow-up comments from Facebook.   It went something like this:

First click- I read "Congratulations," and "Way to go," for a friend who just received a contract on a book.

Next click- Words of encouragement like "Hang in there," and "You're in my prayers," were sprawled across the screen for a friend facing a medical crisis. 

It didn't take long for me to recognize that a melodramatic pattern was forming.   Back and forth the clicks went from one extreme to another, like a yoyo vacillating between happiness and misfortune.

Click- "I am so happy for you. I want a book,"  ~YEAH!

Click- "I think this might be serious. Have you considered seeing a neurologist?" ON, NO!
These emails churned my emotions and left me feeling like a hormonal teenager; high on life, then sinking in mud- just with a simple click.  There were no other emails except for these; and I kid you not, they alternated back and forth for six to eight messages.  All this bizzare banter really made me feel... powerless. 

I found myself asking questions.

What is the reason for this?  I thought maybe God was trying to tell me a should become a soap opera writer or something. 

How does this relate to me?  It reminded me that I am not in control of people, situations, writing submissions, the man who cut me off, etc.  The only thing I can do is offer support, pray, and then sit back and wait for God's handiwork.  People everywhere are suffering while others are rejoicing.  It's the cycle of life, and it draws us closer to one another... and God.

I have so much to be grateful for today.  Right now.  At this very minute.

Whew- I am exhausted; I think I'll go to bed now (I have a lot of praying to do).

Ready, set, go!

I am so amazed at how my fingers always seem to have it more together than I do.  I mean, yesterday was the first day of November, and I knew that I had to get busy writing a novel for NaNoWriMo, BUT I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT. 

I had been praying to God for several days to inspire me with a plot for this new novel or even just a few words to get started, and still no lightbulb had gone off (no dumb blonde jokes, okay?).  I woke up bright and early, wasted time on Facebook, checked email and sent the kids off to school; then I had to go to the dentist.  I bemoaned myself Sunday night for making an appointment to get my teeth cleaned on the day after Halloween, but since it was the first day of NaNoWriMo I decided to go.  I told the dentist and hygenist what I would be doing this month and when they asked me what I was writing about, I really had no clue yet.

"We'll see," I said. "I'm not really sure yet."

They both looked at me perplexed.  I was even beginning to doubt my own capabilities.  I usually had something in mind, at least when I have written books before, which I have.  The first one is based on my life written in third person so that nobody will know it's about me (in case the kids should read it).  That was my very first book, written after confiding in a friend about my crazy, demented past.

"Wow! You should write a book," she had said when I was done talking.  I mean how many people can have all that happen to them before they turn thirty? 

And so the seed was planted.  I wrote and wrote, relived the past, poured hours over this project and finished it; but I was too shy to share it with anyone.  Until Mary, that is.  She read the whole book word for word, and we sat in amazement as we compared how similar our pasts had been.  And then she died, and my book has been sitting in a drawer for nearly three years.

The other book I've written (but not completed) began when I was taking a class from Lamar's Continuing-Ed department.  We were given a prompt and I took off on that one, baby.  That's when I knew my fingers were messengers of God.  I mean, where did this stuff come from?  Part of the reason I've sat on it for so long is that I am in FEAR.  The topic has become so complex and unbelievable that thoughts of the children reading it are too much to bear.  What will they think of their sweet old mommy?  I guess I'll have to use a pen name or something.  I know how I want it to end, but am not sure when I want to end.  This story will remain shelved for a bit longer.

So now I am embarking on this third book.  Thankfully, a thought inspired me sometime after lunch yesterday and I went to bed having written 1,697 words AND a poem for the Poem-A-Day Challenge (see my other blog, Conversation With Laurie).  I spent a great amount of time this morning working on it, took a break for lunch and chores, and am now procrastinating again.  At least I'll know when my fingers are ready to begin again.

I is for Inspiring Images

The pictures below have been taken by me through the years.  They inspire me because in these images, I see the miraculous beauty of God's power and the wonderment of His world.

I hope these photos move you as much as they move me.

Meditate on God's grace

I really enjoy marveling in the beauty of God's creations, so I wanted to share with you the magnificence and wonderment I observe in nature. These photos bring me warmth and joy as I take in the omniscience of God's handiwork. I hope they do the same for you.





How can one doubt the existence of God after viewing these pictures?

Watch for good times to retreat into yourself. Frequently meditate on how good God is to you.
~Thomas a` Kempis

Another miracle...

A blessed ACTS sister from my church had this to say, and I simply could not pass up the opportunity to share it:

"When I first saw pictures of Haiti after the earthquake and (that) the people who were still alive would soon be dying if somehow food, water and medical supplies were not brought in quickly, I thought of the miracle that Jesus performed with the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. If only we had Jesus here. If only someone could start passing around the little food the Haitians found, and it would be multiplied enough to feed everyone.

Didn't Jesus tell us that we, the followers of Him, would also do these things, in fact, even do greater things! (John 14:12)

Jesus was one person, yet He fed thousands. We, as the Body of Christ, can also feed thousands, and I am encouraged and made stronger in faith, as I see the outpouring of humanitarian relief to the Haitians. I just heard on the news that the USA citizens have donated 210 million dollars, even though our economy is suffering and people are out of work. This is more that double what our government offered, which will also be paid by 'the people'. So, in effect, we are doing what Jesus said we could do!
God bless America and God bless Haiti."

God is all around us. I hope we can all take a minute from our busy lives to witness His grace everywhere. I know I am much happier, peaceful, and content when I do! I hope you can feel His love, too. God bless.

A bevy of friends

Today I have been inundated with cardinals. It started out this morning when I heard them chirping in the backyard. I went out to sneak a peek and there they were- several red beauties singing to me. Then just a few minutes ago I went to my front window and a bright crimson male alit on my bird feeder just in time for me to see him. I then caught a movement out of the corner of my eye and spotted another male on my porch under our chair picking up left over pumpkin seeds. I sat praying and watching for a good ten minutes as the cardinals took turns going back for more and standing guard. I had to thank God for His reinforcement as I have been dealing with some very emotional issues lately. I really needed to know He was still here for me and God did just that by bringing hope and joy to me through my cardinal friends... and thus forcing me to pray (since that is what I always do when I see a cardinal). God is the ONLY ONE who will never let me down and I find comfort in knowing that.

Praying is no easy matter. It demands a relationship in which you allow someone other that yourself to enter into the very center of your being, and to see there what you would rather leave in darkness, to touch there what you would rather leave untouched. ~Henri J.M. Nouwen

Readers Share Cardinal Stories

I would like to share some inspirational cardinal stories from some of my blogs' readers. Of course, Jeni, has a lot more on cardinals on her blog, too.

Gail, from the Christmas Miracles blog, stopped by the other day and made a comment on one of my cardinal posts. I'd like to share it with you:

"Laurie, I just had to comment on your note. Just yesterday I was thinking I should really blog about my "thing" with cardinals. Many years ago a dear friend and SS teacher shared with us the loneliness she had felt when she first moved from sunny CA to frozen IL. As she was praying, pouring out her sadness to God, a beautiful cardinal appeared right outside her window. As she looked at him and he sat watching her, she knew he was a messenger of God's love to her, assuring her that God was with her, loved her and would help her through this trying time.
I heard her story more than 25 years ago and still today whenever I see a cardinal, my heart hears God saying to me, 'Gail, I love you,' to which I respond, 'I love you, too.' and my heart is warmed and reassured of God's loving mercy toward me."

Isn't that a beautiful story? God is so amazing and there is no coincidence that others have felt comforted through cardinals.

Another friend and fellow poet, Walt, also made a comment about cardinals. Here is what he had to say:

"Laurie, Mom died on Christmas Eve in '86. On that day a cardinal came and took up residence in our apple tree and stayed until Feb. 5. Every year, the cardinal returned on Christmas Eve and stayed until early February. For twenty years a cardinal came and sat in that tree. Four days short of the 20th anniversary of her passing, Dad died. When Christmas Eve came that year, a second cardinal joined the first. When they left in February, that was the last we saw of them. They never returned. BTW, February 5th was Mom's birthday. I believe like you that God had sent both of those glorious birds as a sign. They brought a fractured family back together. Thanks for that piece to remind me what a wonder He is."

A while back, another reader, Kristie, e-mailed me with her experience with cardinals. Please read on:

"Hi Laurie, Over the past month or so I am surrounded by cardinals everywhere I go. It has become entertaining but calming. They used to just fly by real quick but now they never leave my side and follow me even in the back yard. I hear their singing so much that when I lay down at night to sleep it rings in my ear. Every morning I go outside first thing and say "Good Morning Mr. Cardinal" and he flies right over my head or sits on the fence and watches me. He follows the kids out back too. One followed us the entire 3 hour horse back ride in the nature preserve by our home.

I took my little boy to a state park to ride his 4 wheeler (12 y/o) and from the moment we got there a cardinal sang louder then I have ever heard. My little boy and I laughed so hard because it was relentless. As he rode over dirt hills the singing got so loud now to the left front of me I walked to find it in the woods. My friend Julie who just lost her husband Bill 6 months before to brain cancer called my cell. She said she was thinking of me and wanted me to know she got a message from Bill from a spiritual advisor. The woman told her Bill would communicate to her through cardinals if she was making the right decision and on the right track. He would show her a big circle with a line through if the answer was no or bad decision. I said Julie listen in the back ground. She said "Oh my God... Is that a cardinal?" I said "yes" and explained all afternoon. Suddenly the largest cardinal I have ever seen (the size of a crow!) came around the tree and was chasing a blue jay. I wont elaborate on all the examples I have but guess what happened in the next five minutes? My little boy wrecked his 4-wheeler, it rolled on top of him and he broke his wrist. As we pulled out of the campground the giant cardinal flew so close in front of our truck we gasped.

Another story I will make brief... is that I was praying on the phone with my friend Judy about ways to bring someone in my life to God and asked for a sign or knowledge and instantly a flock of 8 or 9 cardinals flew over head! My heart didn't start pounding out of my chest for 2 hours!

I went on your blog and read your story about the bird who was trying to tell you something. So I went outside and two blue jays flew overhead and I didnt see the cardinal. But I heard him. So I said, "Okay, I am going to listen. Oddly the cardinal was singing in the back yard so I went to the back. When I got to about where it was singing it was gone. So I waited and listened. Now it was coming from my back pasture (I have 10 acres) so I walked. As I got closer I notice their were four cardinals! 2 females and 2 males. And they were on the fence in between the two horse water troughs. When I got there I saw what they were trying to tell me. Each trough had one dead squirrel. It would have poisoned my horses or caused them to ot drink and dehydrate! What a miracle. Ten more cardinal little neat quirks to tell during the next 20 min of clean up to finding your email but my God I can't type forever! LOL We'll just say the cardinal made sure I saw your email right away."

The gorgeous crimson cardinals are such a beautiful addition to Christmas decorating, too. I hope your holidays are filled with God's love and miracles. May you also be blessed with many cardinals!

Andrew Is So True

Andrew is my sweet son. He is always so caring and thoughtful. Quiet and pensive, Drew seems to take in everything going on around him without much of a reaction. Yet he always lets me know he is aware of what is going on. For instance, I have Achilles tendonitis in both of my ankles due to an injury from running too much and too hard. My sweet son is the one who will ask me how they are doing. He will sit and rub my feet, being careful not to touch the wrong spots or squeeze too hard.
Tonight before bed this is a conversation we had:
“Andrew, honey, I am so proud of you for being YOU,” I said. We had parent conferences today and he is doing so well. We had been talking about his straight A's.
“Thank you, Mom. I am proud of you, too.”
“Really? Why?”
“For being such a great mom and taking such good care of us and the house, for cooking us meals and washing our clothes. Just everything!” Andrew said.
Those words nearly brought me to tears. Andrew is like that. I guess because he is the middle child, he tries not to make waves. But he is so perceptive and wise for his age. He understands why people do certain things in this big world around him. I am so grateful that God gave Andrew to us. My prayer is that we do God's will raising him. We are trying!

I thank God for my handicaps, for through them I have found myself, my work, and my God.
~Helen Keller

If Helen Keller can be thankful for her difficulties, I surely must find gratitude for mine, for God guides me through the darkness of life and helps me find the light of my gifts IF I LET HIM.

Slow Down

I can be such an extreme person. For example, the last time I blogged I shared my gratitude with you, but within the hour, I found myself feeling less than grateful. You see, Mr. K was out of town for the day and so I had to get Katie, Drew and Nicholas up, fed, and ready for school by myself. Then I had to get them to school in time so I could get back and go for my daily run and have a shower before a 9:30 meeting I wanted to attend. Whew~ that tires my out just thinking about the tight schedule I always seem to put myself on. Anyway, as we were on our way to school (having left later than usual), a car nearly ran into us as it was backing out of its driveway, so I had to honk. Then we got behind a tractor going ten miles per hour on a two-lane residential street. I had to pass it when I got the chance. But the final straw that broke my serenity was when we got to the carpool line and I was waiting to drop the kids off. I let a tiny, wee little gap get in between the car in front of me and our car and an obnoxious DAD cut right in front of us! Boy, was I hot. As the kids got out, I told them I would really like to go and say something to him, but I wouldn't because that is not what God would want me to do. Then I kissed them goodbye and wished them a wonderful day with a smile on my face. But when I got out of the school parking lot, I zoomed behind that rude dad and tailed him, while flashing my brights at him. Shame on me. I pulled my baseball cap down so he wouldn't see me and then we went separate ways. When I finally was able to run, I started to feel guilty about my behavior, so I prayed the Serenity Prayer and asked God to forgive me. I also asked God if I could just start the day over from then. And guess what? My day went better, except that I strained both of my ankles running too much. That is another extreme of mine~ either I don't exercise at all, or I exercise excessively. I always think that because I used to run five miles a day (ten years ago) that running three miles a day is moderate. But I forget that I need to WORK up to that and I don't have to run EVERYDAY. So now, I am hobbling around, alternating ice packs between my ankles and wishing I knew how to be a little less extreme. Maybe God is trying to tell me something, like SLOW DOWN! Today, I can...but who knows what tomorrow will bring. Weekends with three busy kids can get hectic. Wish me luck!

Our Anniversary

Today is a special occasion because it is Mr. K and my eleventh anniversary. Time has really flown since that warm, sunny Saturday when we exchanged our vows before God, family and a few close friends. I will never forgot the complete joy and elation I felt knowing without a doubt that God had finally led me to my soul mate. I still feel that way today, only stronger. Mr K and I have had our share of ups and downs these past eleven years, but we have stuck together with our love to help get us through. God is and always has been in the middle of our relationship, and He has proved to us that love always does conquer.

Here is a poem Mr. K wrote for me before we married:

I stand still, eyes closed, and hear the wind and the waves.

I feel the roar of the wind on my cheeks and in my hair,

flinching as the waves grasp my feet.

I see the moon, smell the salt,

and feel the beating of another heart.

No words can describe this.

Happy anniversary, Mr. K! I love you!

Bye-Bye Summer Vacation

The lazy days of summer are now a sweet memory. Tomorrow school begins. Nicholas will be in 1st grade, Andrew in 3rd grade and Katie in 5th grade. I remember when I was struggling to make it through the toddler days, when I had three children under the age of four, everyone would tell me to enjoy each moment.

"They grow up so fast. Before you know it, your kids will be grown and gone," they'd say.

"Hmmpf," I'd grumble in disbelief as I awaited the day they would all be in school.

Now they are all in school and I would give anything to go back to that time when they were little. Time really does fly- I know that now. So I will do my best to relish each day, enjoy every little childhood moment so I won't turn around one day to find them gone. I will live in the moment and enjoy the present, which is a gift from God. School year, here we come...I hope it's a great one.

A Profound Poem

"Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you've even survived,
But what torments of grief you've endured,
From evils which never arrived."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

What a profound poem this is! I don't know about you, but I can really relate to this. I have been cured of many hurts and pains. I have survived illnesses that can cause death. But I have the tendency to worry about the future. I will "play out scenerios" that usually do not even occur. I have wasted too much time on this unnecessary projecting.

Today I choose to place my future in God's hands. No more worrying and wasting energy on fear of what is to come. Instead, I have faith in God and know He will take care of me- as long as I ask. He is the reason I am alive today and for that, I am truly grateful. Instead of fretting over the future, I will use my energy more productively and focus on simply doing the next right thing. I know God will take care of me now, and all my needs will be met...in His time.

A Sunny Day

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
~Helen Keller

Do you see the cup as half empty of half full? I must admit that for a while, I saw the cup as half empty. My outlook on life had changed. Once happy, joyous and free; I suddenly felt sad, depressed and miserable. Life was happening and it was not good, or so I thought. Small tasks started to overwhelm me and I was not motivated to do much of anything except sit and sulk. I began to isolate and push away family and friends who were concerned about me. I felt trapped in a life of despair.

Someone once told me when I was struggling, "Well, if I had been through the things you have- the car wreck, hurricanes Rita and Ike, the unexpected suicide of a close friend, sickness within the family, and lack of money- I'd be depressed, too."

I appreciated the kind words at the time because they gave me permission to waddle in my sorrows. I soon became sick and tired of being sick and tired, so I took some time off. During my month-long sabbatical, I was able to recharge my soul and rethink my thinking. I was able to deal with the issues that had been blocking me off from the sunlight of the spirit and reconnect with God. I was able to have closure on that part of my life and accept everything (good and bad) as God's will so I could move forward with a new attitude. And guess what? I feel happy, joyous and free again. I am happy to be alive each day I wake up and want to live life to the fullest. I am joyous because I have a new outlook and no longer carry a fifty pound backpack of burdens on my shoulders. I am free to live each day doing God's will. I am free because I give all my problems over to God each day. I am no longer a slave to negativity when I replace those bad thoughts with positive thoughts of God. Every new day is a gift from God and I am grateful for that. I have learned that as long as I stay connected to God, I will know peace. Only HE can change the way I feel and I am letting Him.

There is no shadow, Lord, if I place myself directly in the sunshine of Your presence. Thank You. Amen. ~Unknown

Through the Years

Here is a picture of my nephew Matt and son Drew. Matt just graduated from Texas A&M in May, and is headed over to the rival (Texas University) where he will persue his Master's degree. Time really flies~not too long ago, I was the one graduating from A&M. I was the one in college, living on my own. I was the one enjoying all that college life has to offer. (Ahem, yes- I did have too much fun at times). So when I got the card from the Association of Former Students informing me that our twenty year reunion celebration would be on Labor Day, I was flabbergasted, to say the least. I quickly did the math, and found that, yes-they are correct.

Am I that old? I certainly don't feel it; I feel just as young as I did back then.

(Picture of me with Katie, her friend and Nini's two dogs.)

But I have mellowed out since then. I no longer party or stay up all night (unless it's with the kids). I am a proud mother of three who put my career on hold so I could be here for my children. I am a wife to the man of my dreams. I am truly happy with my role in life now. Guess what? I was not happy in college. Not down deep, within myself. I felt lost, unloved and confused and searched for other people or things to fill that hole. I did not know God yet.

The past twenty years have been quite a ride. My journey through life has not been lacking of adventure. In fact, the ride has been like a roller-coaster; full of ups and downs, twists and turns. But I have stayed on that ride and don't ever want to get off. God is in control, and He has big plans for me. I can't wait!

My Thoughts on Prayer

Everything begins with prayer, spending a little time on our knees...If the world's rulers and leaders would spend a little time on their knees before God, I believe we would have a better world.
~Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I must admit I don't always get on my knees to pray (sometimes I just sit); but when I do, I feel closer to God- more humble before His eyes. Pete got me a birdfeeder with a cardinal at the top and placed it right outside our big front window. Most of you, if you read my other blog, Conversations With A Cardinal, know that when I spot a cardinal, I feel a great connection to my Higher Power, who I choose to call God. When I see a cardinal, I ALWAYS get down on my knees and say a prayer of thanks. Did you know that prayer doesn't have to be some formal recitation of a church prayer? Prayer can be a simple conversation with God.

I have several different ways to pray throughout the day. In the morning, I thank Him for the new day and ask Him to guide me through the day. I ask God to help me know His will for me and give me the power to carry it out. Then, as the day goes on, if I get irritated or feel resentment cropping up, I give the problem to God and say, "God is love. I am a child of God and He loves me." Sometimes I say the Serenity Prayer- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Sometimes I simply say, "God is." Then, at night, I thank Him for the day. This works for me- I invite you to try this. Let me know how it works!

A Morning to Remember

Breathe in, breathe out... I'm still trying to recover from the heart attack I almost had this morning. I had to go get blood work at 8:00. On the way, I was feeling weak from no breakfast, missing my coffee and thanking God I didn't always have to get out during rush hour traffic when a car pulled out right in front of me. He was turning left going from his subdivision onto the four-lane highway to travel south. I was in the left lane going north cruising at 50 mph (the speed limit). The car in the right lane was turning right on the same street the guy was pulling out from. Well, I must have been hidden from the other car because before I know it there is a car right in front of my van trying to cross our lanes to get to his. Boy did I wake up! I swerved while I honked nearly hitting the car turning right. Thankfully I made it through with no dents or bruises, but my adreneline sure did kick in. I was close to the doctor's office and all of the sudden I didn't miss my coffee and breakfast was the farthest thing from my mind. I thanked God for watching over me and took some deep breaths to try and calm down.

Back track a couple of hours and I was groggily, but serenely checking my e-mail when I heard a small quiet chirp outside my front window. The curtains were drawn, so I opened them slowly, and lo and behold, a beautiful cardinal was sitting on the windowsill. He then flew to the birdfeeder that is right in front of our big window and started eating. I knelt down and said a prayer of thanks and asked God to direct my life today. I also asked to know His will for me and to have the power to carry it out. I felt peace and warmth come over me. A few days ago, I had been reading and the same thing happened- I heard a quiet chirp and was drawn to the window. Again, there had been a cardinal. I truly feel that when I see a cardinal, it's a sign from God that He is with me. Nothing can take the comfortable feeling I get from that away...except a reckless driver. Oh well, I'm not perfect.

In every part of every day, I thank You for walking beside me. Thank You for the joy that your closeness brings. Amen

Thoughts...on love

When two people love each other deeply...they share countless private memories unknown to the rest of the world.
~Dr. James Dobson, "Love For A Lifetime"

Pete and I keep God in the center of our marriage. We do this for several reasons. First, we know that God put us together. If we had not straightened out our lives and turned our wills over to God, we probably would not have even met. Second, with God in the center of our union, we are constantly reminded that WE are not in charge of our relationship; rather, God is. We are not in charge of our lives; He is. Every morning and every night, Pete and I pray together. This allows us to remember daily the vows we took eleven years ago.

Life has not always been easy since we married. We have had our ups and downs. Pete's car wreck and the four years that followed wrapped up in pain, agony, loss of work, litigation and surgeries were not easy by any means. Yet, we continued to keep God in the center, and we prevailed (there is justice done when a distracted teenager is changing his radio station and barrels into the back of Pete's car when he had our three children with him). I have had my difficulties, too, with depression following childbirth, and the loss of a dear friend by suicide. Plus, I have had a few other setbacks. But Pete and God, stuck by me, and we made it through the darkness.

Of course, we have had a lot of good times, too. The births of our three children and raising them stand out as some of the best. And, yes, we put God in the center of their lives, too. There have been fun times at the beach, our vacation to Disney World, special holiday events, school activities and programs, and sporting activities that have been truly memorable; and there will be many more! As long as God is driving "our car of life," what can go wrong? Not a thing, for absolutely nothing happen's in God's world by mistake.

Your love is more delightful than wine...Your name is like perfume poured out.
~Song of Songs 1:2,3