NaPoWriMo, Day 23

Photo by L. Kolp

When the path narrows

and loneliness prevails

reach for one another

like branches of trees
young and old

across nature's
trail, join hands
in fellowship

and pray.

@laurie kolp

Day 20

Prompts:
3WW- cleanse, knead, melt
NaPoWriMo- The Ghazal poetic form
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From War to Peace

Why do terse thoughts beseech me when I pray?
Inverse replies intensify; I pray.

Your hands upon my back knead stress away;
The tension lifts black weights from which I pray.

A hot tub shooting eddies, safe from prey.
The nation battles war, for peace I pray.

Communion with each other makes my day;
Pain melts away, you cleanse my soul, I pray.

Dried blood, iced glaze conceals lies, so I pray.
Eyes swindled from the haze; false gods. I pray.

Fresh scent of lilac captures love’s archway.
Blind faith leads, hunger sated; yes, I pray.

Gazelles grace fields, my mind in which I pray,
Peace grazes Laurie’s thoughts lift clouds; I pray.

@Laurie Kolp

Soap opera email

A few minutes ago I was reading through my emails, many of which were follow-up comments from Facebook.   It went something like this:

First click- I read "Congratulations," and "Way to go," for a friend who just received a contract on a book.

Next click- Words of encouragement like "Hang in there," and "You're in my prayers," were sprawled across the screen for a friend facing a medical crisis. 

It didn't take long for me to recognize that a melodramatic pattern was forming.   Back and forth the clicks went from one extreme to another, like a yoyo vacillating between happiness and misfortune.

Click- "I am so happy for you. I want a book,"  ~YEAH!

Click- "I think this might be serious. Have you considered seeing a neurologist?" ON, NO!
These emails churned my emotions and left me feeling like a hormonal teenager; high on life, then sinking in mud- just with a simple click.  There were no other emails except for these; and I kid you not, they alternated back and forth for six to eight messages.  All this bizzare banter really made me feel... powerless. 

I found myself asking questions.

What is the reason for this?  I thought maybe God was trying to tell me a should become a soap opera writer or something. 

How does this relate to me?  It reminded me that I am not in control of people, situations, writing submissions, the man who cut me off, etc.  The only thing I can do is offer support, pray, and then sit back and wait for God's handiwork.  People everywhere are suffering while others are rejoicing.  It's the cycle of life, and it draws us closer to one another... and God.

I have so much to be grateful for today.  Right now.  At this very minute.

Whew- I am exhausted; I think I'll go to bed now (I have a lot of praying to do).

Meditate on God's grace

I really enjoy marveling in the beauty of God's creations, so I wanted to share with you the magnificence and wonderment I observe in nature. These photos bring me warmth and joy as I take in the omniscience of God's handiwork. I hope they do the same for you.





How can one doubt the existence of God after viewing these pictures?

Watch for good times to retreat into yourself. Frequently meditate on how good God is to you.
~Thomas a` Kempis

A bevy of friends

Today I have been inundated with cardinals. It started out this morning when I heard them chirping in the backyard. I went out to sneak a peek and there they were- several red beauties singing to me. Then just a few minutes ago I went to my front window and a bright crimson male alit on my bird feeder just in time for me to see him. I then caught a movement out of the corner of my eye and spotted another male on my porch under our chair picking up left over pumpkin seeds. I sat praying and watching for a good ten minutes as the cardinals took turns going back for more and standing guard. I had to thank God for His reinforcement as I have been dealing with some very emotional issues lately. I really needed to know He was still here for me and God did just that by bringing hope and joy to me through my cardinal friends... and thus forcing me to pray (since that is what I always do when I see a cardinal). God is the ONLY ONE who will never let me down and I find comfort in knowing that.

Praying is no easy matter. It demands a relationship in which you allow someone other that yourself to enter into the very center of your being, and to see there what you would rather leave in darkness, to touch there what you would rather leave untouched. ~Henri J.M. Nouwen

Slow Down

I can be such an extreme person. For example, the last time I blogged I shared my gratitude with you, but within the hour, I found myself feeling less than grateful. You see, Mr. K was out of town for the day and so I had to get Katie, Drew and Nicholas up, fed, and ready for school by myself. Then I had to get them to school in time so I could get back and go for my daily run and have a shower before a 9:30 meeting I wanted to attend. Whew~ that tires my out just thinking about the tight schedule I always seem to put myself on. Anyway, as we were on our way to school (having left later than usual), a car nearly ran into us as it was backing out of its driveway, so I had to honk. Then we got behind a tractor going ten miles per hour on a two-lane residential street. I had to pass it when I got the chance. But the final straw that broke my serenity was when we got to the carpool line and I was waiting to drop the kids off. I let a tiny, wee little gap get in between the car in front of me and our car and an obnoxious DAD cut right in front of us! Boy, was I hot. As the kids got out, I told them I would really like to go and say something to him, but I wouldn't because that is not what God would want me to do. Then I kissed them goodbye and wished them a wonderful day with a smile on my face. But when I got out of the school parking lot, I zoomed behind that rude dad and tailed him, while flashing my brights at him. Shame on me. I pulled my baseball cap down so he wouldn't see me and then we went separate ways. When I finally was able to run, I started to feel guilty about my behavior, so I prayed the Serenity Prayer and asked God to forgive me. I also asked God if I could just start the day over from then. And guess what? My day went better, except that I strained both of my ankles running too much. That is another extreme of mine~ either I don't exercise at all, or I exercise excessively. I always think that because I used to run five miles a day (ten years ago) that running three miles a day is moderate. But I forget that I need to WORK up to that and I don't have to run EVERYDAY. So now, I am hobbling around, alternating ice packs between my ankles and wishing I knew how to be a little less extreme. Maybe God is trying to tell me something, like SLOW DOWN! Today, I can...but who knows what tomorrow will bring. Weekends with three busy kids can get hectic. Wish me luck!

My Collage of Cardinals

Many of you have asked about my cardinals, and the answer is YES~ I still see them all the time. In fact, I just looked out the window and spotted my beautiful red friend, sitting in the soft drizzle of rain coming down. My heart always skips a beat when I see a cardinal because the majestic crimson bird reminds me of God. And Mary. Funny that not minutes before I saw the cardinal today, I was going through some poems about Mary I had created a chapbook out of. This is no coincidence, and it not only happens to me, but to Jeni, Mary's sister, as well. Here is a list of just a few of the experiences I have had with cardinals:
1. Not long after Mary's death a cardinal skipped in front of my car at the church where we used to meet together. I had been sad and praying to God for a sign that Mary was okay. When I left, I saw the cardinal.
2. A cardinal chirped outside my window one morning after I had prayed to God and for some reason I knew to check on Ms. Angelle, who was bleeding to death and might not have made it had I not gone to visit her.
3. I gave Jeni a "Sisterhood" award for her blog. Soon after, my backyard was swarming with cardinals.
4. Jeni and I have spotted cardinals on numerous occasions as we were talking on the phone~ right in front of us.
5. I went on a retreat and got up to share about my pain since Mary's suicide, and everyone spotted a cardinal outside the window behind me as I spoke.
6. After praying on several occasions I have heard the beautiful song of the cardinal which led me outside to take a peek. A cardinal was always right there in front of me, no matter where I looked.
7. Last Monday was a VERY SPECIAL day for me and I saw a cardinal right outside my kitchen window as I poured myself some coffee that morning~ a sure reassurance that what I was about to do was good.
8. I saw a cardinal at the zoo last year just flitting around the path I was walking on; reaasurance that being there with Nicholas' class was a good thing (and something Mary would have done).
There are many more examples of how the cardinal has worked in my life, and I have written about them on this blog. The good news is that I view the cardinal as a positive, good thing. I have reached acceptance of what happened. Now I can look back with happy, fond memories and thank God for the time, although short, I had with my dear friend Mary.

My Thoughts on Prayer

Everything begins with prayer, spending a little time on our knees...If the world's rulers and leaders would spend a little time on their knees before God, I believe we would have a better world.
~Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I must admit I don't always get on my knees to pray (sometimes I just sit); but when I do, I feel closer to God- more humble before His eyes. Pete got me a birdfeeder with a cardinal at the top and placed it right outside our big front window. Most of you, if you read my other blog, Conversations With A Cardinal, know that when I spot a cardinal, I feel a great connection to my Higher Power, who I choose to call God. When I see a cardinal, I ALWAYS get down on my knees and say a prayer of thanks. Did you know that prayer doesn't have to be some formal recitation of a church prayer? Prayer can be a simple conversation with God.

I have several different ways to pray throughout the day. In the morning, I thank Him for the new day and ask Him to guide me through the day. I ask God to help me know His will for me and give me the power to carry it out. Then, as the day goes on, if I get irritated or feel resentment cropping up, I give the problem to God and say, "God is love. I am a child of God and He loves me." Sometimes I say the Serenity Prayer- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Sometimes I simply say, "God is." Then, at night, I thank Him for the day. This works for me- I invite you to try this. Let me know how it works!

Love to Forgive

"All that is necessary to make this world a better place to live is to love-to love as Christ loved, as Buddha loved." ~Isadora Duncan

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone tried to live by this principle? We would try to see how we could help each other instead of selfishly worrying about our own motives. Life would take on a new meaning as we focused on love for everyone, rather than competition or getting even. We wouldn't hold grudges over past mistakes, rather we would shower the person with unconditional love. Forgiveness would be our creed.

You might be asking yourself how to forgive and love someone who has done you harm. The answer is simple, and it really does work. Pray for that person daily for three to four weeks. Halfway through, your grudge will be gone. Try this yourself and let me know how you do. Remember to pray for that person to have peace, love and happiness, just as you would want for yourself. I'll be anxious to hear from you. I am praying for a certain person, too. Remember "All we need is love," (The Beatles).

Things Happen in 3s, Darn It!

Do you believe the old saying that things happen in 3s? I certainly do, and I'll tell you why. Andrew broke his left radius last night almost completely through. That means all 3 of my children have been in casts since November. Nicholas was first, with a broken finger that required surgery. Then came Katie, with a tear in her wrist growth plate. After that, we jokingly made the comment, "Well, Andrew, I guess you're next." Never jokingly make a comment like that- it just might come true.

Andrew's accident happened in our backyard. He was swinging with Nicholas and flipped over backwards, landing funny on his arm. We knew it was serious when he went into shock and started shaking. So, reluctantly, Pete took him to the ER. I say reluctantly because we knew the drill- wait, wait, wait while in pain, only to have to turn around and go through the same thing at the bone doctor the next day. Sure enough, this is what happened, but what can you do? They waited from 6:30-12:10 to get everything done, and this amounted to: 5 min. in x-ray, 5 min. with the nurse, 5 min. with the doctor (who told us the wrong bone) and 10 min. with the tech. who wrapped Andrew's arm. Sigh. Andrew said most people were in there for stubbed toes and colds, but he, a 7-year-old in pain with a broken radius (almost completely snapped in two), had to wait. I hate the ER!

Now, I am at another mountain I must climb, just few days after leaving my retreat feeling refreshed and high on God's spirit. I know I will need to pray more vigilantly right now and am asking you to do the same for us. Thanks.

What's Going On

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." - John Burroughs

What an understatement! My life has been so hectic lately, I barely have time to take care of myself. I have been trying to help a sick friend for the past several days, knowing I need to take Ms. Angelle to Sam's and shop and cook for my family in preparation for my leave starting today. (Plus, having had that MRI has left me feeling bad and worried- and I just found out everything came back normal-YIPPEE). Yes- I am getting away...by myself...for four days! I am going on an ACTS retreat from my church. I am so ready for some peace and quiet time. I cannot wait to renew my spirit with thoughtful prayer and meditation. Please pray for my family and me while I am gone. I will be praying for you, too! I leave today at 6:00 and return @noon on Sunday- just in time for Mother's Day. To all you wonderful mothers out there- I hope you have a great, relaxing and restful mother's day, too! Here's a poem I wrote for MOMS:

MOMS

Moms are special, this is true.

They sacrifice their life for

their family, with all the

special things they do.

Moms would rather

cook and clean and

make their house pretty,

than spend their time

shopping or caught up

in the city.

Moms love their children

more than anything else,

and they would do

anything to give

them peace, love and harmony-

a true meaning of theirselves.

So remember MOMS on Mother's day

and tell them you love them

in your own special way.

~Laurie Kolp