I. Original poem:
Covered up with lies
those eyes can hide no sin
and even though those eyes may smile
they are miserable within;
pain escapes from deep inside
like an outpouring of resin
but those eyes mask the tears
and the snake recoils again.
II. (via cut-up machine and a few tweaks)
masked smile. fake.
those eyes, eyes. dolorous.
with those eyes. horror.
eyes. shrink back.
those eyes, eyes. piercing.
up, no down. eyes.
slither, sneak. green snake. envy.
*Read more smashed poetry at Big Tent
Fascinating poem, Laurie. Enjoyed this.
Laurie, that turned out a wonderful poem.
The cut-up machine was attitude altering, don't you think? Your original seems compassionate, the second is in-your-face. Pretty fascinating...thanks. Vb
very cool! I enjoyed the original and the cut-up version too!
So interesting how these worked. I like the first one better but the second one is a bit 'freer' and has a surreal feeling. Nicely done!
This is good poem..!
Here is mine:
Love both of them, second one has a edginess to it that I like.
I liked them both. A very interesting experiment at the Big Tent. : )
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