You were forewarned
not to go, not to go, not to go
into that neighborhood
but you did anyway.
Did you hear the beggar
on the street corner
calling out to you,
“I ain’t got nothin’
no new clothes
my shoes have holes
and my rat’s nest of a house,
it’s too small for my family.
Help me, help.”
Or did the whiskey woman by the bar,
strutting her stuff with confidence,
catch your eye when she bragged
about being 40 and better than you?
Better than you
Better than you
What about the peddlers in the park?
Did they tell you you’re not good enough,
that your art sucks, go away?
I told you not to go there
that neighborhood’s dangerous.
Why don’t you come to the beach
and relax with me?
IGWRT- Mary's Mixed Bag
What a great opening. Isn't that always the way---one voice warning, one voice ignor(e)-ance? And then there are all those voices in the bad neighborhoods telling us how worthless we are. I love your ending...let's just run away to the beach. :)
Whether to take heed if the voices that inform one of the other side of the coin is the question! (I personally would steer clear of perceived dangers.)
Oh, Laurie the echoing element of your poem is haunting and effective! I enjoyed this!
ha i would probably be hanging out in the neighborhood a bit...i dont mind the gritty places...the beach sounds nice though...
Oh that little battle between common sense and ignoring it.
Nice inner battle described here Laurie.
I'd probably be hanging out in the neighborhood as well...very nicely done Laurie!
No contest - let's go to the beach where a different variety of bums and lowlifes preside.
There's something eerie about it; I like the turn around at the end..lets go to the beach!
I'm with you, Laurie...let's go to the beach and forget all about it!!!!!
Good stuff, Laurie, an excellent write. But let's all get together and go to the beach!
If only we could listen to that little voice.
This is a very intriguing poem - one which seems to have an untold story behind it.
A cautionary tale that in the end is not a cautionary tale. I like the way the outcome is withheld. We don't know whether he/she was wise to ignore the warning or not.
The repetition works well, I thought.
Laurie, I thought this poem was going to have a horrible ending. Though I guess the ending just doesn't say what happened to the "you."
My favorite part is the echoing of the taunts. Those are warnings as well, and they resonate. Try to get our attention, like all warnings, especially when they are ignored.
Oh, by the way, I just added you to my blogroll ... a little late but done. ;-D
Is there a part two? :-) I want to know the rest of the story, this just aches with it! Love it though...very good.
Well, this sure leaves me worrying about..something. We often do not listen to the warnings we get or hear in our own heads.
Clever! I have been down that road and it has a lot of detours that entrap one's soul! Yes, the beach is so much better ;D
Post a Comment