She had this nose
(a snout, no doubt)
this natural incline
(up there, in the air)
with dragon eyes
(two holes like bowls)
a pointy-tipped crest
(the view askew).
One day she fell backwards
(Crème brûlée, I say)
plopped down in the mud
and this nose she had
(a snout, no doubt)
broke right in two
the people snickered
(at drama mama)
walked right on by
(their turn to burn)
she was stuck in the mud
(a conceit defeat).
That's wickedly brilliant. Love it.
Laurie - this was such fun! I like seeing the whimsical you! And that's not a conceit defeat! ☼
lost in a maze
Great fun, with a touch of wickedness ;-)
very smart take.
love the details, vivid capture of the target...
Brilliant, Laurie and it made me laugh out loud. I have known a few like that in my day.
Silly? Not at all. This is fun with rhyme echoes.
Funny poem...made me laugh!
Very creative and fun. I like what you did!
Wonderful and wicked too. payback can be great.
Silly...OK...but in a very clever way. Liked the internal rhymes...well done! vb
Laughing - that sounds just a touch evil. Obviously she had it coming. What a fun read!
This has to be the best stuck-up poem I have read. Brilliant.
i loved your form and content. wonderful!
That was energetic and to the point!
Your poem has a definite fairy tale feel to it, too. Love it!
The parenthesis give it a depth, a conversational depth - that made me leap right in.
This was fun to read! I love the form which I have not seen before. Thanks for the snickers at drama mama. LOL
Ah, sweet revenge. Fun poem, Laurie. I enjoy your blog.
Thanks for your kind comments!
Judy~ If this is a form, I didn't know... it just came from my muse.
Fun poem, Laurie. I really enjoyed your beautiful blog!
I love the rhythm of this - almost a call and response feeling. And there's something so satisfying about a conceit defeat. :)
I love this. The comments in parantheses work brilliantly.
I like the playfulness of this poem and I agree that the parentheses do something very special...it's like the comments are being said under your breath!
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