Tuesday, June 21, 2011


“You know it won’t be fun.” I was pretty sure the voice was mine (it had the same Southern twang and soft tone), but the words sure weren’t. What I had meant to say was, “You know we won’t have fun without you.”

As soon as those alien words spilled out, my nine-year-old son’s big brown eyes turned from beseeching to questioning.  He had been nominated by his school to attend a month-long Science and Math Academy this summer. I’m sure he wondered why his mom, who used to be a teacher, would say something so derogatory about such a nice honor that had been bestowed upon him. I guess the freak show ain’t over, Ma.

I call it “mommy-itis,” this over-the-top behavior that began with the hormonal tsunami created by childbirth: jumbled words, misplaced items, loss of memory. In fact, I think I might have a brain tumor (I’m a little hypochondriac-like that way). I was writing a novel when all of the sudden an idea sparked from ghost lightning: one of my characters would have a brain tumor and that would describe his unusual behavior.

The more I thought of it, the more I wondered if I were the sick one. Perhaps, God was trying to tell me something. I read the symptoms over cold coffee one night. As it grew later, I began to feel like a spectator at Wimbledon.  The words became fuzzy tennis balls, and my concentration volleyed back and forth like a tight match. Everything I read came back to one thing; I had a brain tumor. All the signs were blaring. Here are the clinchers I used to diagnose myself:    

1.  Jumbled speech- Flabbergasting flubs such as furn tirst for turn first, and merging mania like eedle for eye and needle were happening more and more often.

2.  Confusion- Sometimes I forgot which child I needed to pick up where and when. Oh, and which child was mine? No biggie.

3.  Headaches- Irksome and annoying, especially when hubby approached me panting like a puppy dog with a wet tongue.

4.  Memory loss- After long hot showers, I sometimes forgot if I used soap or shampooed my hair. Then I would forget if and when I took a shower. (Falling asleep in the shower is a story for another time).

5.  Personality changes- Once upon a time I was reckless and carefree. Then I got married and wanted to have a family. I was supposed to be a responsible grown-up, but I didn’t feel like one. Where was my mommy?

6.  Lethargy- I became the dolls my daughter played with. Need I say more?

 I thought “mommy-itis” would go away as the kids aged, but it hasn’t. Mothers everywhere know what I mean. Hairbrushes in the refrigerator are minor mishaps when bombarded with multi-tasking to the nth degree. At least my kids are used to it.

Oh, and after I got a little sleep I realized I probably didn't have a brain tumor after all.


Sylvia Ney said...

lol...I found my sunglasses in the back of the ice box once. I'm glad I'm not alone!

jabblog said...

We've all been there:-)

Fi said...

Mine are teenagers and I'm still suffering from 'baby brain'

Lack of sleep and too many things to think about does weird and crazy things to our bodies :-)

Laurie Kolp said...

Glad I'm not alone!

Jeni said...

You are soooo funny!!! Love your writing Laurie. sorry i've been away for so long. so busy and well, you know what I've been going through lately. I'm coming around.
"I'll be back!" xox Jeni