Footsteps like staccato notes dart across
the patio covered in shards of terra cotta,
broken remnants of a petulant attitude
pushed to the limit, metallic fuses
sparked in rebellion when things aren't
going his way. Every scar on his lithe body
but a latch leading to internal exile
where dubious resentment boils, billows to
surging points of no return; and now he
cowers back to his home in the woods, tail
between his legs until the next time.
@laurie kolp
Prompt inspiration: The Sunday Whirl (staccato, dart, billows, ruins, metallic, exile, fuses, petulant, dubious, rebellion, latch, scar)
Also linked to IGWRT's Open Link Monday
32 comments:
Every scar on his lithe body
but a latch leading to internal exile
where dubious resentment boils, billows to
surging points of no return
that whole section there is tight laurie...and a place that man-y an animal may know...smile.s...
so clever to be able to do this to this standard. I'm full of admiration.
Clever use of the words! I especially like: "petulant attitude pushed to the limit, metallic fuses sparked in rebellion."
good wordling, Laurie
Short poems with all the words are my favourites! Nice and tight.
At first I thought you were writing about an angry and petulant teen, just like the one I seem to have on my hands right not LOL...then I realised it was a creature come out to forage for food or whatever... Maybe.
Another excellent write!
Great wordle. I especially liked the ending, when it all came together... tail between his legs and all.
Laurie, this is fantastic. I did not realize who the prowler was until he turned to go into the woods. It's a gift to write this well.
Yes, you did a good job! Nothing wasted!
Laurie, I love this story. I didn't know who the prowler was either until the ending. Good write.
Pamela
Neat, neat twist on the expected!
Gorgeous writing.
What all the others have said! A vivid scene from beginning to end.
Nothing much to add to what has been said. I do LOVE the ending, Laurie. Because I am so late, i am sharing a link here:
http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2012/02/wordle-42.html
I like the tail betweeen the legs ending as well, Laurie. Terrific wordling.
Laurie, I like the ambiguity of this. Not sure if the prowler is man or animal (though man is an animal - but you know what I mean), whether the tail between the legs is literal or figurative. It works either way, of course, which is what I like.
Richard
Oh those mask bandits, they cute faces but they are troublemakers.
Cute poem
Such wonderful description!
You work wonders with a whirl of words.
love this line: "broken remnants of a petulant attitude"
Feral and fine, Laurie--everyone's already quoted my gave parts, so a second here on all of them.
"Every scar on his lithe body
but a latch leading to internal exile
where dubious resentment boils, billows to
surging points of no return"
Excellent right there!
A great use of the wordle words, Laurie, though I found it a bit unsettling - I don't much care for intruders and am glad this one slunk back to the woods (with any luck s/he/it will stay away). This part I thought brilliant:
Every scar on his lithe body
but a latch leading to internal exile
where dubious resentment boils, billows to
surging points of no return
Nice weaving of words into a story....these kind of prompt stumpts ~
Wow!
Well done on that prompt.
A compelling poem.
Fantastic, Laurie, to put all those words together to not only make sense but also to awaken emotions. Very very well done.
K
Love the use of staccato, Laurie...I had thought to use it along with a music reference, but ended up not doing so.
Good wordle!
~Paula
You deftly placed clues at the very beginning - the staccato steps, the shards of pottery - so that the entire descriptive verse is consistent, right up to the end.
"the patio covered in shards of terra cotta, broken remnants of a petulant attitude pushed to the limit,"
- Nicely done Laurie! You used the wordle words well.
Every scar on his lithe body
but a latch leading to internal exile
Now that is writing! Amazing what can be done with word prompts! I'm in awe.
Great write!
Well I finally made it to your porch and I swear I found the shards of terra cotta all over the place when I got here! Well done...thanks for chatting on FB this morning.
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