Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Man (Blind) and My Demise

With hair like straw of wheat thatched upon a roof
and eyes as gray as stones beneath the earth

the man appeared in lightning’s fluttering flash
at the wooden gate where I stood, for what
forgotten on this night of blackened mist.

I watched his weathered hands grope the fencepost
with troubled breathing and bubbling spit

thousands of reasons rushed through my mind
on why I should turn and bolt

The blind man with a raspy voice
asked if he could come inside awhile
sit and warm up at my cozy hearth

a fact I wondered how he knew, too late
I realized as my head bounced on rooted
ground, a dormant fear I had I felt rebuild
and I knew he was back
me… sigh.

@laurie kolp

The Sunday Whirl (thatched, hearth, fluttering, breathing, flash, gate, stones, grope, rebuild, thousands, bubbling, forgotten)


aros, Day 7

Fog is a heavy cloak
of consternation
all perception
the son's light
lifts it.


Mary said...

Very frightening ending, Laurie! Chills me to the bone.

Here's mine:

J Cosmo Newbery said...

I was putting money on him being from the tax office.

brenda w said...

Brilliant building of suspense...

Eva Gallant said...

oooh....that is foreboding!

Daydreamertoo said...

Oh wow... that was a sad ending. The stuff of horror.
Well written Laurie~!

Anonymous said...

I Like the character sketch. You build a vivid scene through both your description and the actions.


Marianne said...

Loved your description of the old man. "Eyes gray as stones beneath the earth" was very cool. Had me in suspense!

annell said...

A dark tale? Or a playful dream?

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

A frisson of fear ripples up and down my spine! Delightful (although somewhat gruesome) read!

Isabel said...

love the spin at the end, great story

flaubert said...

Suspenseful write, Laurie. Well done.


Cheryl said...


Traci B said...

Thought you were going with one of those "angels unawares" stories, Laurie. More like a serial killer incognito... *shivers*

I like both poems, and I'm glad you included the second one to end the post on a positive note. :)

irene said...

I wonder why the speaker stayed, that's incongruent, as well as her wistful tone, almost like she wanted it.

Mary Mansfield said...

Dark and scary...I loved it!

Peggy said...

I could see the movie as I read. Excellent story telling! Quite a creepy story.

Anonymous said...

stunning, Laurie! i would never have been able to spot the prompt words ~ a very well-woven tale.
Loved it!